My [24F] boyfriend [27M] keeps insisting we treat everything like roommates but it's really hurting me, I tried talking to him about it but it just ends up in a blow-up fight.

We moved in together a few months ago and it mostly goes well but he is insistent we only 50/50 on things. The last time he lived with a girl was a long time ago, it was a very unhealthy relationship and they legit lived like roommates but I get his need for adjustments. He says he's super busy with school and that's just how it goes for the time being.

I'll make food for both of us and I suggest that when I do that he can clean the dishes and when he does it I'll do the dishes. He won't help clean the dishes because he said I made them and he can clean his own. He claims we can avoid all that if we just both make separate meals?? It just seems insane to me because we eat dinner at the same time.

Often times, if he leaves dishes uncleaned, if I'm doing a wash, I'll throw his in with mine. Then instead of thanking me he gets mad and says he'll wash his own dishes and I can wash mine. He never throws mine in even if it is like 2 plates.

He gets so busy with school and work but I'm the only one who vacuums, sweeps the floor and cleans the bathroom. I tried talking to him about maybe just doing a quick sweep or something and he claims I'm the only one who cares and is making the mess. He doesn't care about a clean bathroom. His clothes aren't everywhere because I've been folding all of it along with my laundry. So he says when I am cleaning, I'm only doing it for myself because he doesn't care for a clean place. Our place looks messy because he just throws his clothes on the floor.

I don't mind doing it all but it just seems like he's only looking out for himself and continues to keep saying that all things should just 50/50 when clearly it's not.

I don't think he's trying to purposely be hurtful but trying to unburden me but in the process, it's really hurtful to hear all those comments. I don't think he is purposely messy because when he had roommates he was the clean one.

How can I communicate with him that all this is hurtful to me?

TL;DR My SO continues to reiterate everything is just 50/50 but it's creating more chaos than necessary in our house and making me feel bad as a partner. I don't know how to get him to understand that.

Submitted January 31, 2019 at 10:51AM by Honest_Historian http://bit.ly/2Uy01f5