Talked to my husband [m42] about my [f40] concerns of his indifference in our relationship and his health.

After my post the other day, https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/akoo3n/my_f40_husband_m42_does_not_do_anything_anymore/

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I decided to confront my husband on the things that were bothering me. I let him read my original post and the replies. It seemed to have an effect on him, seeing where I was coming from and what I was feeling not expressed to him.

He got very defensive about not taking any initiative in family activities. He pretty much said he does not plan things to do because he does not care what we do, and not in a terrible "I don't care" way, but that he does not have an opinion doesn't care. Is it that hard to care where we eat when we go out or to decide on something for dinner? Its not torture for him to choose something for us to watch together on TV or a movie is it? Last summer (2018) I left the vacation planning to him, and we didn't go anywhere, I ended up taking the kids to a hotel with a pool so they would have some sort of vacation. He did come, but didn't swim or participate anymore than being present. It really frustrates and hurts me, I would like him to have an opinion about stuff, and plan things because it gets old on me to plan it all, and I don't want him to wake up one day when our kids are 20 and realize that he missed all the good times because he was indifferent and then be bitter for the rest of his days.

He did admit that he has been down or depressed since he cut his sugar intake, and also admitted he has really bad eating habits that contributed to his drastic weight loss. He does not eat all day, then comes home and is hardly hungry, maybe eats 1000-1500 calories a day. That contributed to his huge weight swing, he went from almost 170 down to about 130. Now he has "stabilized" he says at about 148-150.

He told me that since he quit eating sugar he feels like a different person inside, that his mind seems to have turned on him and that he has anxiety about things, and feels down a lot. He feels down about his body, his job, where his life is etc etc. I told him maybe exercise would help with all his bad feelings,and anxiety, just to take his mind off it but that middle school hates PE child comes out and discounts any type of physical activity or its benefits, and how he would rather just wither away than go to a gym or worry about exercise. (this really set me off and I kind of lost it on him) I told him he would rather rot than be a good healthy happy father for his family, he just stared at me, with a baffled unsure look on his face.

He has agreed to go to the Dr if I will "shut up" about his health and body issues, he has never been to the Dr since I have known him but once when he broke his arm at like 19 so that is a huge step. But will not tender the idea of going to counseling yet. It was a really frustrating evening with yelling and my tears. I am still frustrated we have been together since high school, and I miss the fun lets go and do this xy and z this weekend man I fell in love with, but your replies helped me get a conversation started, and I thank you for that! I just hope there is some light in all this dark that I am feeling about everything. I am kind of lost.

**TL;DR;** : Talked to husband about his apathy in our relationship.

Submitted January 30, 2019 at 10:12AM by lemon-lavender-tea http://bit.ly/2G0ByMo