a little background: my gf has had a really rough life between past abusive relationships, abusive + neglectful parents, and an assault. understandably, she has severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD. we started "officially" dating 1 year ago and moved in together a few months back. things were really great for a while - presumably when the honeymoon phase suppressed her symptoms.
however, the last few months have been hell for me. it has become clear that our ideal relationships and general expectations are simply mismatched - she requires constant affection, reassurance, and sex while i am much more of an "acts of service" type of person. i.e. I'll do all the cooking, cleaning and shopping to show her that i care yet she gets mad that I dont send her heart emojis in the middle of the day, etc. she will then make a cryptic faceboook post that is clearly directed at me for something i didnt even realize that i have done. i have never once in the course of our relationship raised my voice at her or been anything but understanding the best way that i know how but it seems that my personality type (independent) triggers her anxiety and causes her to lash out. yes, she is in therapy and yes we have discussed this but her anxiety is so severe that i feel she is unable to put into action the things that she knows intellectually. i come home wondering if this is gonna be another "bad" night almost every day.
the last few weeks have been actually OK for the most part because she is on a new med. she's been on and off meds for quite a while now. but last night night she informed me that she stopped taking it because she wanted to take a "holistic" approach to her conditions. now, i cannot control if she takes meds but predictably she got mad at me for not wanting to have sex and got up and slept on the couch and sent me a few passive aggressive texts like "I'm gonna sleep here from now on, have a good night. enjoy the bed."
i think this is the last straw. i have only been the best boyfriend that i know how to be (and she says how great i am all the time when she is in a good mood) but i'm tired of all of this and don't want my life to be like this when she is so unpredictable. the only problem is that she has built her entire support system around me, my friends, and my family in the last year and I'm worried that she will have no one. added to that is that we live together. i want to end things, but i dont want to add to her list of traumas and i know she will be crushed. how can i do this humanely or am i screwed no matter what?
tl;dr
gf has severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD and we clearly arent a good match. i try to be a good bf but our personalities and expectations doont line up and actually seem to trigger her. i want to end things but she has no one else. how can i do this humanely?
Submitted January 31, 2019 at 06:31AM by jj121591 http://bit.ly/2UtuvPt
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