My (26M) ex (28M) dumped me in Japan and flew back home overseas halfway through our trip because of fights. Am i in the wrong or was this an emotionally abusive relationship?

Sorry for the long post - I've just returned from a 2.5 week Japan holiday from hell. Don't get me wrong it was a good relationship in the start - same hobbies, we'd call twice a day, lived together.

As the more organised one in the relationship I had booked, planned and researched the entire holiday. He was a daily pot smoker, around 10 cones a day. Unemployed but in the process of starting his own business with his parents finances, and helping family out at a business of their own. He has been stressed about his income situation for a while I work full time and I'd almost say jealous of my career.

We had been together 2.5 years and lived together in a relative mansion with his well-off parents for 1.5 years. Over this time we did have our fights over some differences - namely in hygiene and cleaning expectations but also the repeated accusation that I'm a 'selfish' person because my cleaning wasn't up to par.

He was always the kind of partner to buy extravagant birthday gifts or my favorite foods from the grocery store. I'd reciprocate mind you, and frequently buy him Nintendo games that he wanted or new releases.

On the trip, he was anxious and snappy for the entire time he was there. He's usually like this when he goes without weed for a couple days, like when we visit my family down south. I had asked him to try to wean off it before the trip so this didn't happen, but he didn't.

Our first holiday fight was about me being a dictator of holiday activities despite him never showing any interest in the planning stages when asked. I listened and adjusted and went to buy him some things to make him feel more valued - he yelled at me for this saying 'you don't need to buy me shit I have my own money'.

Our next few fights followed a largely similar pattern - he would get upset about something (me being 'tit for tat' by taking a low effort photo of him after he had just done the same, me wanting to suss out the open times of an activity across the road from a restaurant he wanted to eat at while he was famished). He would get upset, storm off, I'd follow him and while talking accidentally cut him off in conversation which would enrage him and make to worse. He once yelled at me in public for buying him things to try and calm him down because he 'has his own money'.

These were all small arguments and I eventually just asked what he is expecting from me. He went on to list uncommunicated things he has been resenting me for over the last 6 months.
- I have barely used the expensive Christmas gift I wanted that he bought. - I asked for an extra day before loaning his parents $3,000 to wait for interest to go into my account - Again with the cleaning. Since our last fight about this I have already started doing the bathroom weekly (not up to his standard apparently) and feeding the dogs every morning plus mopping the laundry and vacuuming the bedroom as need be. But he was expecting me to take initiative and mow the lawn, clean the pool. I would pack the laundry away each day and clean up after myself in the kitchen but would rarely put loads of washng on or clean the kitchen because it would usually be done by someone else while I was at work.

As the only one in the household working full time, often out of the house around 12 hours a day including travel time, I was always pretty burned out by the time I got home. I never expected to not do anything but given that his parents are retired due to wealth and not age I didn't see it as the biggest issue that my chore list was smaller.

So all this considered after one more tiff on the holiday, the partner booked a flight home and left me there for space. A few days later he called saying he loved and missed me. A few days after that he changed his mind and ended it because I'm a 'selfish' person which he realised on this trip. I was dumped in Japan and came back to my home to collect my things and stay at a friend's. He insisted on getting me from the station despite me saying not to and was polite the whole time until I mentioned how I was hurt by being left alone in a foreign country. He said 'you could've left whenever you wanted to'.

When I cried he got angry at me for being manipulative, when I tried to send him flowers on advice of a mutual friend he got angry at me being 'too late to put any effort in'.

Tl;Dr ex left me alone in Japan for a week and dumped me shortly after, due to me being 'selfish'. Our fights were related to cleaning and me not putting him first, almost completely ignoring the gifts I have bought him over two and a half years. Have i screwed up by not doing enough cleaning or are my friends right in saying this was an emotionally abusive relationship?

Submitted November 14, 2018 at 06:46PM by coconutoilisalie https://ift.tt/2K3g14M