Overall our relationship has been great, we both love each other and we our very open with each other. However, she's been raised with her parents old fashion ways and expects me to pay for pretty much everything. I've been ok with it for the most part until this one incident that seemed really absurd to me.
We were both at a music festival together (which I payed for) and she had no money with so as I wanted to go get a coffee she wanted to go get a smoothie at some other booth. So I gave her $20 dollar bill to get her smoothie as I waited in line for my coffee. Once the festival ended and we headed home, it didn't occur to me that she had my change for the $20 I gave her until I was home already. I texted her about and she replied joyfully laughing that she will, so I didn't really cared that much about it, after all it was like $12. A week goes by and still no offer to pay me back or even an offer to pick up the check during a date. I started to nag her a little, mostly playfully about it and she didn't seem upset about it or anything just kinda brushed it off some way. Keep in mind I only nagged her in text messages and never really mentioned in person until tonight.
I get a call from her saying that she wants to go get a desert (which later turned into practically a full course meal) with me so I accept. Once we got to the diner and she ordered her food (I just had coffee) I already knew I was picking up the check. I think what really made me asked her when was she going to give me my change back was that she barely ate any of her food which annoyed me because she does that a lot and she never takes it home as leftovers so I end up taking it, even when I don't want to because I can't stand food going to waste. So I asked her "hey so when do you plan on giving me back my change?" And instantly I could tell that pissed her off. She didn't respond as she was upset, so I went on to explain that I know how she has the "old fashioned way of thinking" that the guy always pays which is completing irrelevant today if you know the history about it, and that I just don't want this relationship turning into an exploitive thing. I could tell that was the wrong thing to say as she instantly felt I was accusing her of using me, which I didn't intend to make so once I payed the check and we headed to the car, I then politely told her what I meant and apologized for what I said which made her think i was accusing her of using me which I didn't meant. I then asked her for her feed back to what I was saying, which was that it's common decency to give someone there change back. She then want on to saying that's. "Its just, fucking $12 dollars! Not really big deal". Which shook me a bit because I have no idea why she's getting upset. I payed for the festival, I payed for the vast majority of our dates, and I played for dinner that night, and all I'm asking for is the change for the $20 that I gave her to BUY something. At this point I don't even care about my $12 I'm just shook to why she is so angry and feeling threatened from me asking for MY change. I calmly asked her why she is yelling and cursing to which she said that, "That's what normal guys are supposed to do they pay, but your not like that and that's how I was raised". I then told her that I pay for pretty much everything so I don't know what your talking about, and that the I'm not even asking you to pay me back I'm simply asking for my change. I could tell that she acknowledged that, but she then went back to her rant about that its only $12 dollars and it's not a big deal. Which in my eyes doesn't matter as it's a sign of respect to pay back someone let alone give someone there change back no matter how small the amount is. The night ended with her throwing the $12 at me while looking like someone pissed in her cheerios and not saying a word to me. All through out that escalation I didn't raise my voice once or even curse at her, I simply saw the differences in our maturity. I really don't know how to go about this and to be honest, it really made me rethink our relationship. We already had a conversation a couple weeks ago about how we need to work on communicating better with each other to make things easier and understand one another, which I felt like I did a good job with tonight, but she seemed to let her emotions get the best of her or something. I'd appreciate all of your comments and advice so please let me know your guys thoughts:) cheers!
TL;DR (16F) gf who (17M) I've been with a for a year has old fashion way of thinking that men should always pay. She got mad when I asked her for my change to a $20 bill I gave her to buy a drink and told me I'm supposed to pay since I'm a guy despite the fact that I did pay and I'm simply asking for my change.
Submitted August 31, 2018 at 11:38PM by HazerTracer https://ift.tt/2owAm8A
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