My (27f) bf (27m) of 7 years resists progression of commitment and will remind me "not to eff him over" with major obligations - most recently a car purchase we put in my name.

My bf has always put up walls and a front about our future. After some time being the "cool girl" I finally told him how I felt and confronted him about his unwillingness to ever say "if / when we get married" or "when we have kids". I told him how I didn't want either of these now but wanted to know he wanted the same things. He basically said how could he know that he would always feel that way, and I said I just need to know that you feel that way now. He would say "obviously I'm committed to us" etc. without ever really reassuring me or answering the direct question. The fights would be exhausting and he would deflect and change the topic. He no longer pushes back when I say things but never says anything to reassure me.

Some other red flags:

We each have always kept finances independent, 50/50 split which is fine. However it's hard to always share costs evenly and I'm been advocating for a shared credit card for shared expenses, which he resists. We both feel like we spend more than the other on household or grocery expenses which creates resentment and I feel like this is an easy solution.

I asked him to put me on his benefits which are free to him and he refused, saying I don't need massages. Again in fights he would deflect and emotionally exhaust me so I stopped.

When we signed our most recent lease for rent he signed the papers alone (no reason why, we only needed 1 signature) and by the time we were in the car he said just don't duck me over if we split up. I felt it was Unnecessary & hurtful.

Most recently we bought a car to share that we would use to save on gas and extend the lifetime of our trucks. It makes sense to put it in my name for insurance meaning the bill of sale and ownership should go in my name. Immediately the whole "don't be a dick if we break up cause the cards are in your favor"'.

Also worth mentioning - I just added him to my benefits without hesitation to assist with some dental work he needs. He also faces lay offs and considered going to school and I 100% supported him and said we would find a way to pay the bills. I know He is not willing to reciprocate the giving that I would.

He's seen some friends be taken advantage of in separations and also been on the receiving end of some craziness (in high school but showed him a life lesson of how crazy ppl can get) that kind of fuel this I think. I understand protecting yourself and "hope for the best plan for the worst" but I feel like he has no commitment to me and might just be stringing me along. For context - we also had some bad communication styles and almost broke up over a year ago but things have improved a lot since then. I see no reason for all this hesitation now.

But at the end of the day - I feel hurt that a) he doesn't trust me, b) he considers it so probable we will split and c) he passes at every opportunity and resist taking steps that show we are building a future together.

I get very overwhelmed by my emotions and want your perspective on this - is my upset reaction unreasonable? What should I say to him to confront him on this? Is it ultimatum time??

Tl;dr my bf resists taking steps to commit and build a future together. I think I've been ignoring the red flags and want more perspectives.

Submitted July 27, 2018 at 10:42AM by DistantBf1111 https://ift.tt/2NRwE4m