My (22F) boyfriend (23M) of a year recently came out to me as bisexual. This has brought on some new insecurities for me.

To start off, I wanna say I am totally okay with and accepting of him being bi. It doesn’t change how I feel about him or make me not want to be with him.

Some relationship history: we were really close friends for a long time before we started dating and one night he drunkenly told me he thought he “might be bi” and didn’t give me any further explanation. He was really upset and ashamed about it so I just comforted him at the time and I never brought it up again. Months later, our relationship started to become romantic. I really liked him but didn’t know how to feel about him telling me he was bi before and I wasn’t even sure if he remembered telling me.

Fast forward a few months later, I went through his phone (very wrong and huge violation of privacy, I know) because I thought he had been texting this girl he used to hook up with, and what I found was a video he had taken of himself masturbating with a very realistic dildo. I was very shocked and thought about what I should do for a couple of weeks. I decided I needed to confess what I had done and what I found and I tried my hardest to do it in the most sensitive way possible. Before I could even finish telling what I saw (he knew it was somehow related to his sexual attraction to men) he stormed out of my apartment and sent me a message that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, see me or talk to me again. I was devastated and so confused—I knew it was going to be a hard conversation but it went 100x worse than I imagined. He wouldn’t speak to me for about a week but we gradually started hanging out again and then eventually got to a point where we acted like nothing happened. This was very unsettling for me but I love him so I buried it.

Fast forward to now (aprx 9 months later), we are still dating things are going pretty good. We were on a 15 hour car ride just the two of us, and I don’t really know how the conversation came about but he told me he was bisexual. I said I’ve known the entire time we’ve been dating, it didn’t change things for me, I still love him etc. and he was very relieved about my response. Then he told me he has had sex with men on 3 different occasions—he said he had never told a soul and promised himself he was taking that to the grave but suddenly felt like he needed to tell me. This really threw me off. Of course that thought had crossed my mind, but I figured there was no way he would’ve ever done anything with a guy because he was so ashamed and embarrassed about his sexuality. we live in a midsize town in the south where tolerance is kind of low so I thought there was no way he would make contact with any guys and risk being outted.

So now, I’m just kind of confused about my feelings about knowing my boyfriend has had sex with men. It doesn’t bother me per say, but I now am very insecure that he has a csexual attraction that I clearly can never fulfill; of course I’ve known that he was bi for a long time but for some reason it changed things for me knowing he’s experienced being with a man before. I know he loves me and we have been so much closer and happier since he told me. But I have some kind of weird feeling that I’m having a hard time describing or understanding. I keep thinking that I might be enough for now, but what about in the future? Is he going to somehow resent me for inhibiting his sexual exploration with men? I don’t want to talk to him about it because I don’t want him to think he made a mistake by telling me. And I am not going to talk to anyone I know about this out of respect for his privacy but I need some kind of input on this situation and how to “come to peace” or whatever with this whole situation, so here I am. And thank you to anyone who’s made it to the end of this because I know it’s long af.

TL;DR: I’ve known my boyfriend is bi the entire time we’ve been in a relationship because he drunkenly told me before we were dating. After a year of dating he finally came out to me sober and told me he’s had sex with men before (which I didn’t know or even suspect). It’s bringing up a lot of confusing feelings for me and major insecurities of not being able to satisfy his needs. I need help with making sense of how I feel and advice on how to deal with the insecurities and feelings this has brought up for me.

Submitted July 27, 2018 at 01:02PM by eunoiaqueen https://ift.tt/2OlHBvX