What are my parents really asking me when they ask for my to care for my sibling with autism?

Hi everyone, on mobile and using an alt account. Will also change names/ages (slightly) and use non-binary terms when referring to everyone.

Tl;DR - parents asked me if I’d care for my youngest sibling with autism that has high support needs, are they asking me to care for them in my home until I die too or care for them until they’re an adult or settled (if already an adult) and find a great facility for them?

I (32) have 3 younger siblings one is 28, the other 20 and the last is 8-9. The youngest has autism, I’ll call them Bee. Bee has high support needs. My parents asked me recently if I would care for Bee if my parents passed. while the other two siblings care for/love Bee, they(my parents) know I’m older and more established and more understanding of Bee and their needs. Which is all true for the time being.

When speaking to my parents they said they were afraid Bee would be put in a home and my heart instantly dropped. Are they asking me to care for Bee for the rest of my life? So if my parents passed tomorrow they expect for me to care for Bee for another 50-60 years while also having a back up plan for when I kick the bucket?

I interpreted them asking as them designating me as a person to care for Bee, then when Bee is settled and with me, I’d be able to search (Once Bee is an adult) for an amazing care facility near my home and utilize their services. Otherwise, if they passed and Bee didn’t have a designated family member to care for them, the state would handle Bee and put them where ever was the cheapest.

But the way they made it seem was they don’t want Bee in a home at all, I know I ought to ask but this seems like a very touchy subject and one they seemed very upset to even have to discuss.

I also plan to retire in a decade in another country (I’m U.S. based atm) so, if they expect me to full-time care for Bee, my spouse or I would have to quit (if we’re not retired) and we’d honestly not have/adopt/foster children because we’d expect to care for my youngest sibling, we’d also have to plan to bring Bee to our country and secure care here (which I have no problem doing, just need to know).

To answer ahead of time, we do not have very much family at all and family taking them in would leave maybe, one or two people after me and those are big BIG maybes.

Submitted April 01, 2022 at 07:55PM by Bananaholster420 https://ift.tt/CEv7wj0