Hi everyone! This might be a little long, but I’m genuinely just very frustrated with this situation and would really appreciate some input. Also apologies if this doesn’t make much sense/you need clarification! I’m very tired and wrote this because I’m honestly worried about how I’ll go to class tomorrow.
As the title might suggest, my guy friend (19m) has been showing signs of interest in me that I (20f) am really not comfortable with. I’ll refer to him as Friend A. As a sophomore in college who didn’t dorm first year, it’s been very difficult to find friends and he is one of the few people I’m friends with. I don’t particularly consider us to be close, as I was first friends with my best friend (Friend A’s roommate, has a partner—met during freshman year) and we started hanging out more because I was over at their place frequently.
It’s been the three of us for the majority of our time at college. We study, cook, hang out together and I always have a blast hanging out with them. Lately, i’ve spent more time with Friend A, as we planned to have the same classes this semester. I’m not quite sure when I started suspecting he had feelings, as he’s quite obvious, but it’s really ramped up recently and I don’t exactly have anyone to talk to about this.
For context, I’ve had a couple of boyfriends before. They were both in high school, so they weren’t pretty serious but they did give me insight into what I expect from relationships. Friend A has never been in a relationship to my understanding, and I think I understand why.
I think the most recent and uncomfortable instance was a few days ago. My best friend, Friend A, and I were at my birthday party held by mutual friends, but the best friend and Friend A ended up having to leave early. I was drinking and having a good time, but Friend A started to touch me. It wasn’t inappropriate, but he would put his hand on my shoulder, pat my lower back, touch my waist, just… areas friends wouldn’t necessarily touch. I wouldn’t even be phased if it was someone with a more touchy-feely personality, but this guy has never once hugged me or even given me a high five before. I felt really weird after that and was glad he left.
There’s been other indicators throughout the past few months, but I think that one incident honestly just snapped everything into perspective. I’ve left them out of the post because it would be way too long, but let me know if it would be helpful to include them!
To be quite honest, there’s more than a few reasons why I’m not even considering dating, much less dating this person. My mental health, for one, is not where I’d like it to be, and I do not intend on finding a partner until I know that I am in a much better place. I’m also just too busy for a relationship right now, and don’t intend to make space in my schedule for another person for the foreseeable future. I’ve stated this directly multiple times to my friend, but he seems to not understand that I’m serious.
I feel bad for stating it, but I’m extremely not attracted to this guy. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s pretty fun as a friend, but as I’ve been thinking more about this situation and assessing how I feel, I can’t help but admit that I’m simply not attracted to him. One of my biggest pet peeves is chewing with your mouth open/loudly, and he chews so. Damn. Loud. Every. Time. Petty? Yes. Irritating? Also yes. I’m also just not physically attracted to him, which I know sounds shallow, but I think that’s a pretty big factor in relationships. Another things is that whenever we’re alone go grab food before class or something, he’s always on his phone/watching Twitch streamers rather than talking with me. I’d be fine if it was once in a while, but it’s literally every time he has the chance to take his phone out, so I feel pretty awkward and like I’m just his chauffeur (he can’t drive so I drive him to and from class).
Other than that, I honestly feel like he’s been building up this image of me in my head that’s just not who I am, and I think it might have something to do with my ethnicity (korean) as he’s very into K-pop and k dramas. It makes me very uncomfortable to think about this, because multiple people have fetishized my culture and approached me in this context to fulfill their fantasies.
Essentially, I have no idea what to do. If I don’t say something, he’s going to continue to grow feelings and potentially make me feel uncomfortable. If I do, I risk losing one of my very few friends in college. How do I even approach this situation and turn him down directly without being obvious? I’ve stated multiple times I don’t want a relationship, but as that doesn’t seem to work, what else can I do/say?
TL;DR: guy friend has feelings for me but I don’t want want a relationship in general, and his methods of flirting make me uncomfortable
Submitted April 04, 2022 at 03:34AM by communist-snail https://ift.tt/84ymxVQ
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