TL:DR my girlfriend has a lot of trauma from her past and while I love her, I can’t choose happiness for her. Her defense mechanisms are pushing me away.
My girlfriend told me that she doesn’t fully trust me and due to past trauma with different relationships, never will because she is always expecting everyone else to stab her in the back. She assumes every relationship whether friendship or romance will end in betrayal due to past experiences. We got into a fight on the phone and she hung up angrily.
I needed to cool off because I don’t like responding out of anger. It was 15 minutes until the tirade of texts began “you suck”, “you really don’t care about me”, etc, all because I didn’t call to make her feel better.
She must always be made whole in every situation, her feelings are the most important. She will get upset and mid argument demand I make her feel better. My feeling be damned. She gives me more control over her emotions than she is capable of being responsible for. She has severe anger management and is selfish. I accept it. Her trauma made it this way. But I can’t be a fixer it’s not fair to anyone, she needs to choose for herself to move forward. Loving her a lot isn’t going to fix it for her if she keeps the same behaviors.
I realized while I love her, because I do love her despite these flaws. I will never marry this woman. I will never have a future with her because she doesn’t understand how to trust and through all of my open heartedness, love, caring, and genuine trust in her, she can not reciprocate. She is too consumed with herself to really care about other peoples feelings and she just hurts me in the process. Her trauma is hearting us both.
I don’t regret anything, but it makes me sad realizing happiness has to come from within her her and not externally from me. Trauma is the boogeyman that haunts relationships and sinks them from within.
Submitted December 02, 2021 at 01:53AM by CancunCowboy https://ift.tt/3odyQIn
No comments:
Post a Comment