We dated for about 5 months approximately two years ago. I (33m) fell for her (32f) almost immediately, but took things slow for a few months before telling her that I was “falling in love with her” and she replied that she was falling in love with me as well. It was and is still the happiest moment of my life.
She wanted me to meet her mom and step-dad, and I introduced her to my parents. After meeting them for the first and only time, she wrote my folks a hand written card saying how excited she was to share so many more good times with us.
A couple weeks later, she broke up with me one morning as we were laying in bed. There was no warning. I felt blindsided. I never got good reasons. Vague things like: she was still dealing with trauma from a past relationship, and that there were “issues with sex” (never able to tell me what those were and I’ve never received complaints from any of my other numerous partners). She also said that “she needs to be madly in love with her partner, and she never quite got there with me.” (Despite insane chemistry, her whispering “I’m crazy about you” in my ear, etc.). I was confused, and so hurt.
I fought for her. She agreed to see me a couple times over the next few months and I told her how I felt, that I was in love and wanted to make this work. Eventually she said that her and I shouldn’t see each other anymore. I was truly heartbroken for the first time in my life.
I ended up meeting some one else, and that relationship was more balanced and had much better and clearer communication. However, I never stopped thinking about my ex. It’s a truly horrible feeling to wake up laying next to someone and wish it was someone else. Even though I cared for my new girlfriend, my relationship with her felt disingenuous and so I ended it.
Fast forward to a month ago. My initial ex and I bump into each other and learn we’ve since each moved and now live 5 minutes from the other. We’ve gotten together twice in two weeks. She is seeing someone - an older guy (42), but has complained to me about him on both occasions (he has been flaky on plans with her, asked her to leave his place one night without having sex, criticizes her over her work [they are both teachers], etc.).
I told her that she deserves so much more; someone who cherishes and prioritizes her. I said I didn’t want to hear about him, especially whether or not they’re having sex. She replied that it worried her and that perhaps she and I can’t hang out as friends. At this point, I spilled my guts and told her I had thought about her every single day, and that dating others was difficult for me because she’s all I really want. That nothing has changed for me.
She held my hand and said that was “music to any single girl’s ears”- but that she is seeing someone and thought she should at least try to make it work with him.
Also worth mentioning neither her or I have kids, and that we both eventually want to. She’s emphasized to me in the past that she really wants stability and reliability in a partner.
She said she doesn’t know how she feels about me yet because I just “popped up again” and that I would have to “play the long game.” Pathetically, I’m willing to do that for her, but the fact she’s with someone else really fucks me up. We ended up having fun, casual nights together both times- wine, music, other friends around, but I feel like I may have scared her by being too heavy with things.
Today I texted her to say I was having a few friends over later this week and that I’d love for her to join us. She said “Aw thanks, I have a lot going on this week so might not be able to, but will let you know as we get closer.”
I don’t know what to do and how to interpret things. I’m really vulnerable with her, and can’t help but feel like I ruined my chances with her by over sharing my feelings towards her.
Please help. I’m grateful for all advice, guidance, and interpretations. Thank you.
Tl;dr : still in love with my ex, and we’ve seen each other twice in a week after no contact for over a year. She had a boyfriend but complains about him to me. She isn’t really saying yes or no to me. Don’t know how to proceed.
Submitted October 04, 2021 at 04:59AM by OroParaOso https://ift.tt/2WGcJiT
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