My (21F) mum (52F) has gotten numerous plastic surgeries and wants to pay for botox and brow lift surgery for me. My dad (53M) is extremely upset.

My mom has gotten lots of work done. Liposuction, BBL, a breast lift, a tummy tuck, a nose job, a brow lift, and lots of botox and fat sculpting in the face. She started when I was around eight years old, and my dad has always been against it but maintained that mum's body is her own and it is ultimately her choice what she does with it. That being said, he married her before she got the work done and the only time he has ever gotten her to change her mind on a procedure is when he told her as kindly as possible that he prefers real breasts over silicone ones, so she got a lift instead of implants.

To put it plainly, she looks great. I have not met any women her age who looks like she does. I have not met very many women MY age that look like she does. Think Jennifer Aniston in terms of looks. My dad is very handsome too--and then I'm just an average looking kid. Although when you compare pictures of mum when she was my age and how I look now, we are identical.

So here is one of my problems--my mum has taught me implicitly my whole life that plastic surgery is normal and accessible and that beauty can be bought. I've wanted to do something about my forehead since I was a kid, because it makes me look like a neanderthal (and looks just like mom's pre-op.)

Mum has also been a pretty harsh critic of my appearance all my life. She would often interrupt me to tell me to whiten my teeth when I was younger, but she doesnt do it anymore. When I had acne as a teenager she would comment on the state of it every day and sometimes almost work herself to tears looking at it. When she took me to a dermatologist she actually did start crying and asked him to put me on accutane, but the derm said I only have mild hormonal acne and that I should try birth control instead, which has helped. I had several talks with her telling her not to do this, and dad did too, and she stopped.

So, present day, when mum went to get her tummy tuck done last month she offered to pay for a botox brow lift for me. I waffled a bit but I ultimately decided to do it, because even if I dont like it I have bangs to hide the worst of it, and it will wear off in six months anyway. I ended up really liking it, but after mum recovered for a week and we came home, my dad saw that I had gotten it done. He was really quiet and angry for a few days and wouldn't tell me what was wrong.

I finally asked mum what was going on and she told me that they talked after I had gone to bed, and that he was so upset with her that he started crying. He said that mum's surgeries have set this impossible standard for me and that he's afraid she's given me a complex. Mum said this while rolling her eyes and mentioning that she's probably given me an eating disorder too, and told me not to mention the botox to dad anymore and he will get over it. Then, she said she really likes how the botox looks and that she can introduce me to her botox technician so that he can lift my inner brow more. She offered to pay again and implied she would pay for threads or a lift. I said thank you and went about my day.

Later on, my dad came to my room to have a talk with me. He said he was really worried about my self esteem and that he wants me to love myself the way I am, and that getting into plastic surgery is dangerous because one procedure is never enough. I agree with him, it's only that I have always really hated my forehead. There's genuinely nothing else I want to do to myself. He teared up a little and we hugged, and it seems like the issue is closed.

I should probably mention here that my mum has BPD which she isn't medicated or in therapy for, and only was for a period of about six months when I was much younger. I think you can see with the plastic surgery how the low self-esteem and impulsivity manifest. She also tends to either move or change jobs every two years. Dad's method of dealing with it is to just let it happen and talk her down if she is trying to go too far. We are very stable financially so it hasnt affected us too bad. And it was nice to travel so much as a kid.

My issue is that I can't stop thinking about this. Is it unfair that I grew up watching mum change herself and become more beautiful and confident, but when I tried to do something similar it was a big cause for concern? Is that selfish? Mum has told me before that she sees me as an extension of herself, and that's why she is so harsh when she criticizes me, because she wants me to be better. I thought this was an oppurtunity to finally get rid of the one thing I really hate about my body, but I dont want to do it if it upsets my poor dad so much.

I just don't know which perspective is realistic. Especially nowadays, when it seems like everyone is getting something done. My dad is from Germany and plastic surgery isn't popular there and they prefer natural beauty, so that may be why. I guess I could just use a fresh perspective since I'm not comfortable sharing this stuff with my friends.

TL;DR: My mom has gotten a ton of plastic surgery, and paid for my botox. My dad was so upset about it he cried. The issue is over now but I can't stop thinking about it and feeling upset.

Submitted October 26, 2021 at 12:23AM by doritofacebadtouch https://ift.tt/3Bd5b5f