This has been building up for a while now, and I need some fresh perspectives.
My boyfriend and I started dating when the world was still in pandemic mode, so neither of us had jobs and we got to spend a lot of quality time together in the beginning. This was nice, but it was kind of a crash course "getting to know you" phase, we didn't go out on a lot of traditional dates (movie theatre, restaurant, etc) because everything in our area was closed and so we spent a lot of time going on walks and at each other's houses. Obviously everyone is on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship to make a good impression, I think a lot of this has to do with the falling in love process, because we don't see the uglier parts of people's behavior until they are comfortable and have nothing left to prove. I feel like he said "I love you" way too quickly, and I reciprocated before I was ready because I was flattered and I liked the idea of falling in love.
We spent a lot of time talking about moving away from where we live (on a small island 30 miles out to sea), we both have dreams of getting out of this place as it is kind of a dead end in terms of careers and goals. He is a native islander, and I have been living here for 9 years off and on, so obviously it is much harder to say goodbye for him considering he was born and raised here. But we have been in the planning mode of moving away together for about 3 months, we've taken a couple trips to the mainland together to look at towns we would like and houses/apartments. After finding a place to move to, we are in the finalizing stage of this process, but I'm starting to get this bad feeling that we're not ready to take this huge step. I'm mostly worried for him about, moving away from his support system and less worried about me because I've lived at every corner of the U.S. I am used to being on my own and away from a safety net.
Some of his behavior lately has been raising a lot of red flags for me, he seems to only be interested in houses to rent in the $1500-$2000 range, but he has less than $4000 to his name. It seems really unrealistic, and he has no motivation to get a job, in fact the last job he had only lasted 2 weeks before he quit because he "didn't like the way" his boss told him to do something... I've had to explain to him a few times since that until he is his own boss that it's part of the job to be told what to do. I've noticed this when I ask him to do something as well, he takes direction very personally and it builds up until he finally gets angry with me and says that I talk to him like he's stupid. Maybe that is partially my tone of voice or how I deliver instruction, but this seems to be an ongoing theme with everyone around him. He gets very defensive when being asked to do something that is outside the bare minimum. He is extremely un-eager to help me with basic tasks, for example, he tapped a glass bottle against my car window the other day and it shattered... Now in my world if I had broken his car window I would immediately be cleaning up the glass, looking for a trash bag and tape to cover the damage, apologizing sincerely, and begin to look up repair shops to get it fixed, and paying for it. But that's just me I guess because after it happened, he was laughing nervously, began cleaning up the glass, but didn't finish as there were shards left over that I vacuumed out, then just kind of sat around waiting for me to drive him home after I took him to the grocery store so he could put away his milk before it spoiled... I mean wtf is this mentality? Not to mention that he doesn't have a drivers license, car, credit card, savings account, copies of his birth certificate or social security card... He's TWENTY EIGHT years old... I'm 24, and I've been paying my own bills and handling my own legal documents since I was 17, I get that people mature at different ages, but he's verging on 30 and doesn't know how to drive a car, change a tire, tape a broken car window, etc...
Along with the unwillingness to help me, and the general lack of motivation to get anything done, he is extremely sex driven. Which wouldn't be a problem if I wanted to have sex with him all the time like I used to, but his behavior has become increasingly more unattractive as we've been dating, and at some point I feel like I'm going to lose all sexual attraction for him as this resentment builds.
He also has an extremely short fuse, that if something isn't going the way he wants it to, he throws a fit like a child and turns away from me and doesn't speak to me, or he gets angry and stands up and talks down at me, which I don't put up with at all, and that makes him even more upset. He's lashed out a few times now saying "F*ck you," to me, we've been dating for 8 months, we should still be in the honeymoon phase, and yet all of these things are indicating that this relationship isn't sustainable. The last time he said "F*ck you" to me, I almost broke up with him completely, but we talked things out and his behavior seemed to get better for a little bit, but this morning it happened again. He spent the night at my place and this morning woke me up by yelling at the dogs who were barking, like dogs bark what is he going to do about it, they're not even his dogs. Then he started talking about botanical gardens and arboretums, and then he argued with me about the way that I said the word "arboretum" because I put emphasis on the O instead of the E, so I told him that people pronounce words differently, and then he got on youtube and played the pronunciation of the word to which I just plugged my ears. He does this constantly where he is googling things to prove me wrong, when they are so insignificant, who TF cares how I pronounce the word "arboretum" WHO CARES. I then explained again that everyone pronounces words differently and that language is fluid, and that English in England is pronounced vastly different than English in the U.S. and he cut me off and said "I don't need to hear your arbitrary philosophy on how language is fluid" I mean what in the rudeness is going on in this relationship... I then asked him to please leave so I could have the morning to myself, I said it exactly like this "I would like to spend the rest of the morning by myself please," and he got up, started grabbing his things dramatically, throwing them in his backpack and then looked at me and said "F*ck you." LIKE WTF. I don't know what to do at this point, this is reaching a critical point where I don't want to move away with him, I would rather go alone than deal with his behavior.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this behavior deplorable and unattractive, have you been in this situation before and what did you do?
TL;DR My boyfriend is very sensitive when given direction, gets upset and throws temper tantrums like a child, is unwilling to help me, says "f*ck you" to me, and is generally a lazy and moody person. Should I break up with him?
Submitted July 01, 2021 at 07:41AM by flynniep https://ift.tt/2UY99PT
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