Hey all,
I (27f) dated this man (46m) for ten months, from July to May.
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We worked together, and our boss had feelings for him, so we had to keep everything a secret. He looked the other way when our boss would bully me, and would tell me I was being dramatic and making things difficult if I broached the topic with him.
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He lived with his ex. We got together in July, he said she’d be gone by august. Then by October. She didn’t leave til March. She was apparently unstable, and I had to leave before she came home/keep our relationship a secret/not post anything on social media. He would get angry and deny when I asked if there was something going on between them. When I complained around December, he berated me and said I wasn’t understanding enough to her issues (?) and that “you knew what you were getting into"
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He pressured me into having sex without a condom. At one point he took it off during sex, but I didn’t want to be difficult and risk alienating him so I didn’t argue. He would pressure me to do things I didn’t like during sex. Once I broke down and told him we had to stop. He gave me the cold shoulder and ignored me as I cried to sleep.
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His friends were frequently condescending or cold to me (eg would say snarky things about my age or ignore me entirely while talking to him). I wasn’t allowed to touch him when we’re around people he knew (he would literally edge away from me if I got too close) One woman in particular would give me the death stare at events - he told me I was imagining things & they barely talk…even though he wrote her several heartfelt birthday wishes across social media & they have taken photos together & danced at a work event.
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He would like/comment on revealing photos of other women he knows. I got really uncomfortable when he was constantly liking the semi naked photos of several women he knew that were under 20. He got angry at me for ‘stalking’ him (even though these photos came across my Twitter bc he liked/commented on them).
I know I sound incredibly fucking dumb and naive. I know how this all sounds, but he has such an insanely stellar reputation and I believed him. He’s REALLY well known in our specific community, whereas I’m brand new. I feel extremely depressed and trapped. He is ADORED in this community, people will go on tangents about how great he is if his name comes up (that was literally how I fell for him - he is known for being kind & protecting other people and I thought I could trust him).
I’m stuck with the truth that he treated me like garbage. I’m stuck with being around people who worship him and think he’s the epitome of kindness. I feel a special kind of worthless, knowing I wasn’t worth the same kindness he shows to strangers. Please someone help me. I’m in so much pain. I feel so stupid. I loved that man so much and he treated me like I was nothing. I still have these lingering feelings of love. Even if someone believes me, no one will care. He does ‘important work’, so his reputation will be preserved. He didn’t physically abuse me, I don’t think anyone will care he was manipulative and probably cheated.
I know it could be worse. He could be a famous artist or politician. Maybe I’m being a giant baby. I should just get and std test and move on. I’m so lost and heartbroken, if anyone could give me advice on how to handle a breakup with someone who is revered in the public eye (or even just give me some tough love) I would really appreciate it.
TLDR my ex is really well known in our community & has a reputation of being an amazing guy who will stand up for strangers. How do I deal with this breakup when he treated me like trash and everyone still respects him?
Submitted July 02, 2021 at 05:05AM by emptycampus https://ift.tt/3qEMFza
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