Hi, I'm 15, 5'9 (1.75m) and 65kg (143lb). I'm not overweight or unhealthy and I know I'm not. I'm definitely not super skinny, I have some excess fat on my stomach and legs but I never thought bad of it. I'm a very sporty person, I used to play sports (before the pandemic) about 5-6 times a week and consider myself in good shape/fit. Now I try work out at least 4 time a week in the living room but it's not always possible with school work and space. It started really last March when the pandemic begun, my mum stopped going to work and I stopped going to school so we saw each other much more and that meant for meal times. Since then she started making comments on what I eat, stuff like 'are you gonna eat all of it?', 'that's a huge portion', 'don't take any more, you don't need it'.
It just became insufferable and it was miserable. She let my sister eat whatever she wanted because she's the type that can eat a lot and not gain but when it came to me, she would cut my portion size, not give me the bread of a burger just stuff like that. It feels humiliating almost. I'm not proud of it but I started buying crap from the supermarket, chocolate, crisps, sweets whatever I felt like. Because of this I gained a bit but usually lost it in a couple of days because apart from that, I really didn't eat that much and I was still regularly working out.
Then my mum got a scale and that turned out absolutely shit. Every time I got something to eat that wasn't on the plate she gave me for lunch or dinner, she'd ask me if I weighed myself recently which I thought was really shitty. The thing is, I can't lose this weight. She told me I'd be much happier if I was 58kg and that's what she wants me to be.
We get into fights a lot about it and she's always throwing it in my face that my belly looks bigger, the number of the scale is probably going up, I'm not slimming down. it really really hurts me and I've tried so much to talk to her about it but she doesn't take me seriously, saying that everyone needs to lose weight at some point and that it's normal. She also always tells me the story about how when she was my age, she was around 70kg (she's 5'5) and that she lost it all by starving herself one summer.
Another thing she does frequently is show me pictures of me a year and a half ago on holiday, in which she claims I looked about 55kg even though I really don't see the difference, I was smaller and less developed. This particularly bothers me because I feel like I almost disappointed her by gaining and I hate that stupid picture of me in a swimsuit now cause I've seen it way too much.
The problem is it's really gotten to me and I hate it. Now I'm obsessively looking at the scale and I'm now hyper aware of what people look like and every bit of food I look at I now instinctively check the calories. And I'm still stuck at the 63-66kg weight that I know isn't bad but I sometimes just wish I was like lighter. I used to not care and I wish I didn't but I can't help it.
If anyone has any advice or anything, I would really appreciate it.
thank you for reading I hope you have a nice day
TL;DR My mum body shames me, shames my food choices and it's bothered me a lot more than I would have liked it to
Submitted March 25, 2021 at 12:42PM by Tall-Level https://ift.tt/31pZGAB
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