My friend (46, F) has been going through a breakup after a 5 year long, live-in relationship. I've (37, F) been trying to have empathy and be supportive of her in this process, but the way that she's been acting and communicating about it has caused me to see her in a different light. First of all, she talks a lot of trash on the guy which I understand is normal for a bad breakup, but he's not a bad guy and she uses almost as much energy telling me how much she really loves him and how hard this has been to decide. By the volume of complaints she has about him, it's clear that she's not happy, but it bothers me that she won't just admit that, even to herself or her friends.
Additionally, she's taken a hard stance on a lot of things she knows have caused issues in the relationship, then chalks it up to his "insecurity" and takes no ownership of how her decisions have affected it. For instance, she co-parents her dog with her ex husband, and her ex would just walk into (his old) home that she now shares with her more recent partner, unannounced to drop off the dog. She said she compromised on this issue of her recent being so "insecure" and upset by this by starting to meet her ex outside exchange the dog. I bothers me that she can't seem to understand his point of view, especially since this man used live there as her husband - and it's a dog! She also shared with me that she was exchanging flirty texts with one of our friends while she was still in the relationship - and tbh, I think that more went on than just flirty texts from what she showed me.
The cherry on top was that when she finally did break up the relationship, she made a video of them together and posted it on Instagram and TikTok. I thought that this was super weird - it announced the breakup in celebratory tone, and then proclaimed how she will always love him.
This isn't my relationship so I'm trying not to judge, but I feel like parts of her character are coming out in this process that I don't really care for - like a need for drama and control, a lack of basic honesty about her motivations, and a lack of self-awareness or empathy for other peoples' point of view. I want to support my friend, but I feel myself turning sour towards her and very turned off by her behavior. We've known each other for about 2 years, but have only gotten close in the past 6 months. What is the best way to handle this? We hang out 1-1 occasionally, but are usually in the company of a third friend who I vibe much better with but that she has been friends with longer.
TL;DR! - My friend is going through a breakup and I want to support her, but I find her behavior distressing
Submitted March 02, 2021 at 05:49PM by Hellisia https://ift.tt/3uOEMc4
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