My (34f) husband (34m) downloaded tinder literally 5 minutes after I left to go visit my dying grandmother

Our relationship has been pretty terrible for a little over a year. We’ve been in counseling for over a year, but things haven’t really changed on either end. One big thing for me is that I need to feel appreciated and loved for sex while he doesn’t. So he still wants sex all the time while I struggle with it.

Last Thursday I had a lot of chores that needed to be done after our toddler went to bed and before I could. I had to get up at 4am the next day so it was an early bedtime with little time for everything else let alone any me time. So I simply said, “there’s a lot that needs to get done tonight. Will you help me?” And his immediate response was, “are we going to have sex tonight?” That made me mad because our relationship sucks and I already had limited time. (I take a prescription sleeping pill that requires a certain amount of sleep otherwise I’m a zombie the next day.) when I said no he exploded and started yelling about divorce. After our daughter was in bed and I did all of the chores myself, we talked it through and I thought things were fine.

Friday I had planned after work to drive 3 hours to my parents’ house so I could visit my dying grandma Saturday. Usually he gets angry when I want to spend an entire weekend there. He thinks it should just be a day trip. That’s a whole separate issue. So I thought it was suspicious when he told me to come back whenever I felt like it Sunday. When I got home, that feeling hadn’t gone away. His Apple Watch was left in our room and I was there unpacking. I checked it. My heart sank when I saw a text with a code to log into tinder. Literally 5 minutes after I had left Friday.

He came upstairs and I confronted him. He says that he just downloaded it and deleted it within 15 minutes. That he did look through profiles but didn’t talk to anyone. He says that since he didn’t actually cheat that it’s no big deal and he doesn’t understand why I’m not over it yet. I said that he took action with the intention to cheat and that I feel betrayed, that I’ve lost trust in him. He just keeps repeating that I should be over it since no actual cheating took place. But all I have to go on is his word which I don’t put much value in right now.

Am I overreacting since it was off his phone in 15 minutes?

tl;dr after a huge fight where I turned him down for sex, my husband downloaded tinder as soon as I left to go out of town. But he swears he didn’t even talk to anyone.

Submitted March 04, 2020 at 07:12PM by kabob3213 https://ift.tt/3awBjUm