Confused about ex-boyfriend not understanding breakup. Has this happened to you before? What did you do?

Hey all.

I (21F) broke up with my boyfriend (27M) of a year and a half a couple days ago after realizing it was unhealthy and wanting the space and time to focus on myself. These past couple of days he's been coming over, asking for me to get back together with him, despite how wrong he had been treating me the past six months. After multiple nights of tears and attempts at directness, I though we were done discussing it; last night, he went home ready to work on himself (for himself, not for me). Today, however, he texted me if I "needed more time apart", and if that's why I had been distant.

I don't know if it's because I actually wasn't being as direct, or if he's using my sincerity to convince me that I'm making a mistake, but it's gotten to be really frustrating. Every time I explained my reasons for breaking up, he seemed to be fully acknowledging my reasonings. But then, the next day, he turns right around and states "he doesn't think we're meant to be broken up" or acts as though I wasn't clear enough about the break up. This resorts in me breaking down crying every time I have to explain it because, while I know it's not what he wants to hear or do, I know it's the right thing to do for me. This all especially hurts because he's been acting especially sweet, which makes me feel like he wants me to forget all the pain he put me through these past six months. When I look at him I'm reminded of how he's treated me, and I don't think it's right for him to ask me back, even though he's acknowledged his wrong-doings and swears he can change. I feel frustrated that even though I feel I'm explaining myself thoroughly, he keeps turning back around and acting as if what I've said isn't enough. His explanation is that he's being persistent to not give our relationship up, because if he stops "we'll grow apart."

So I'd like to know from you all: how did you get through a breakup with someone you loved, but knew they weren't healthy for you? What do you think are the signs of someone who's attempting to use your niceness for their gain? How did you find your voice in a potentially harder breakup than what you're used to?

Don't feel as though you have to answer all these questions, these are just some thoughts going through my head as I work towards becoming a stronger and happier person. Thank you guys!

TL:DR - Broke up with boyfriend because he was unhealthy for me, but keeps coming back, saying he'll work on himself and to not give up on relationship. I feel guilty for feeling this way and need some clarity on how to stay strong and focus on myself.

Submitted March 05, 2020 at 06:36PM by jubleejulbee https://ift.tt/2xgqBmP