SO(41m) and I have been dating for 3 years and started living together a few months later. We have know each other for 20+ years so it felt like the natural thing to do.
He dated a girl(33F) for 6 years and had split up almost 2 years before when we started dating. They never lived together. When they split up SO's nephew was a baby and SO's niece in kindergarten. This seems random but it's just for context.
When him and I got together, SO and his ex were friends but that kind of friendship that makes you "itchy". She acted like she was part of his family, followed him around everywhere and would text him randomly at 4 o'clock (and then 4.30, 5am...) in the morning just to let him know she was drunk, or having fun somewhere or just because. Please note that I don't think they were friends with benefits after they broke up but their interaction seemed a bit over the top.
Well, she kept visiting the kids maybe twice a year, taking them to the movies and bringing gifts (I think that's fine, no issue here). I, on the other hand, babysit, play with them all the time and do the regular "auntie" stuff. We get along great.
Well, the issue is the kids' bdays. They have a party for friends and one for family. She attends both. I'm ok with she attending the friends' party but I get extremely uncomfortable when it comes to the family party. We are talking about a fancy dinner held at a fancy restaurant, the attendants being SO's parents, SO's sister, partner and kids, SO, me and her. Last time she served him his meal, poured his wine and that kind of stuff and I've gotten to a point where I can't do it anymore. I know it's the kids' birthday and I don't get to say who is invited and who is not but I cannot do this any more.
Well, nephew's bday dinner is on Monday and I'm not attending. I'm sending a gift but told his parents I couldn't make it and thank you so much for inviting me. I didn't say why but they know it, as last time I spoke to SO's mother about it.
SO thinks I should suck it up and go but, for my mental sanity's sake, I just can't. He also says that I'm being juvenile and jealous and that there is nothing inappropriate about that. I understand his point of view but I wish he could try to see things from my perspective and not give me a hard time about my not going. On Monday it will be just them and I wish I was ok with it. Note that I am all for him going. I just don't want to.
Can you help me not feeling resentful towards SO?
TL;DR SO's ex attending family birthdays. I'm not doing it anymore and I could use some help to not resent SO.
Submitted February 09, 2020 at 11:43AM by EmilyCastro https://ift.tt/31HzNeV
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