I have been out of my parents house for 10 years now. First time I was kind of forced to join a "hostel" for studies during my 11,12th grade. I felt I was being thrown out of my home. After one or two years I got used to it.. I made lot of friends. During my Bachelor's, I felt friends are all I have. My family isn't that open, so I can't sadly share anything with them. Even if I did, they would get mad or oppose me. Friends became my family. I kept searching for love because I couldn't feel love from my own family. I was considered a good son and they talk happily with me, only if I had achieved something in my life or if I am being a success machine or if I'm being useful to the family business.
I moved to Europe in 2014 for my higher studies. I didn't know a single person here. I made friends and met some beautiful people here. I was in romantic relationships with some amazing women (one for 3.5 years and another for 8 months) all around the world and they made me look good and bad in me! I have been working my best to change for good. I'm so blessed to have had relationship with them. Truly, I don't really know how to speak with women. I'm more straightforward and I express anything directly, maybe sometimes that's not how it works with the girlfriends I had. I sometimes feel bad for me being me because I couldn't keep my loved ones in my life.
Anyways, I had been searching for love because I feel like I am missing it in my life. With friends it's different. I'm really greateful of my life here in Europe, my friends here and all around the world.
This is Christmas time. All my friends went back home. I took a walk in my city today, streets were almost empty. I hear everywhere Christmas music. It's been rainy all most all day! Seen some family going out shopping. Seen couples holding and enjoying each other's company. I'm seriously very happy for them and I hope they stay happy irrespective of their situation.
I am sitting in my chair. It's still silent and I hear rain drops and my typing sound. Having no one to talk to eventhough I know I have friends who would answer up my call to talk to me. I don't want to disturb their time! I kinda feel lonely in this foreign land although we live in a small world.. I don't get a greeting letter or a text. I have no one to really love or care for me or care to ask how am I really feeling or how I am doing. I wish my family have been understandable and loving irrespective of how I am doing with my career. I wish my girlfriend would have stayed. I feel I don't belong anymore to my home (my childhood or my parents), I feel I don't completely belong here in Europe, although I have been adapting and developing so much here. I just feel I don't know where I am going with this...
I just felt like letting this out! Does anyone feel like this and what can I do? Any ideas?!
You people reading this, embrace your family and your loved one. I wish you a happy and merry Christmas and a have a good jump into the new year 2020.
Thanks for reading!!! Have a good one ;) TD;LR: It's Christmas time and I feel I don't have any loved ones in my life. I feel I don't belong anywhere, neither my past or my present!
Submitted December 22, 2019 at 10:00AM by Sathwikrongala https://ift.tt/393Hkbt
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