Bf (28) and I (27) been together 1.5 years. He grew up with very little turbulence in his life. And now shit’s really hit the fan for him.
I caught him cheating early in our relationship but I took him back in a moment of weakness. This lead to a string of lies he’s told being exposed and he basically drastically changed his life to win me back. I never asked him to stop seeing friends/isolate himself but he did anyway because he thought this would help build trust and credibility again. I encouraged him to see his friends and family but he always turned it down. Our relationship turned pretty rocky after the cheating incident and everything being exposed. And to this day, he still gets caught in lies about his past. But I admit all of this has made me a very paranoid person too. He began blaming me for “not feeling like himself” when he’s with friends or family.
About a year later, I found out I was pregnant and I panicked. I went to him and told him I was pregnant around the time of a very important exam for him (he later used this against me). I wanted to keep the baby but he threatened to leave me and stop loving me if I had the baby. I cried every day for about a month trying to decide but I had an abortion out of fear of abandonment. He was awful during that month. He told me I was ruining his life. And that he didn’t care for the baby. He blamed the pregnancy and the baby because it stressed him out so much he couldn’t get his schoolwork done. He blamed me for being needy and having to take care of me for falling behind on his responsibilities. Mind you, I still went to school and got everything I needed to get done on time regardless of all of this.
Now, he’s at a point he’s so behind he may not even be able to graduate/find a job. He doesn’t wake up til past noon. He avoids doing his work by playing games, napping, or doing other menial tasks. And then stresses out and gets overwhelmed and uses that as an excuse to not do anything. And when we fight, he blames our relationship for him being so behind and says he can’t get anything done when he feels upset. He lashes out, cusses at me, tells me he doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings, constantly makes low blow comments when I try to say sorry. He told me he hates his life and I am so unbearable to him, decent on my best days. Then he asks me if I hate myself too so we at least can be on the same page..
Honestly, I’ve been struggling with myself since the cheating. I’ve felt inadequate, worthless and undesirable. I asked him if he wants to know how bad those feelings get for me sometimes and he said I don’t care how you feel. This is his first time dealing with real turbulence in his life and he doesn’t like himself or feel like himself anymore bc he feels like a failure. And he says he’ll never be able to forgive me for it.
I feel like all of this is so wrong. I feel like it’s unfair but I also feel like I’ve lost my moral compass here in all of this. Am I really to blame? I’m starting to believe it.
TL;DR BF feels like his life is falling apart because of me and lashes out at me, to the point of getting verbally aggressive and emotionally abusive.
Submitted April 01, 2019 at 03:22AM by bluebird4ly https://ift.tt/2CNm5MG
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