My [34M] spouse [30FtNB] came out as trans a year ago, two years into our marriage. This has been incredibly difficult for both of us. How do we survive it? Can we survive it?

As the title says, I found out a year ago that I'm not married to a woman. This wasn't a secret that was kept from me beforehand, but something that my partner discovered about themselves after many years. My initial reaction was to be as supportive as possible, letting them know that I still love them, I'm staying with them, and I'll help them through whatever they need. They identify as nonbinary now, and feel more comfortable letting their body hair grow out, binding their chest, and generally being pretty androgynous. It helps keep their dysphoria at bay, which can get pretty bad. They're also thinking about going on a small dose of testosterone.

Unfortunately, the things that helps my partner's dysphoria are things that I honestly find physically unattractive. It's starting to feel like I have more of a husband than a wife, and even if my partner doesn't call themselves a man, it's gotten to the point where I sorta feel like they are. At this point I'm expecting them to come out as a trans man any day. I'm not gay, and I've tried very hard to change how I view our marriage so that I still find my partner attractive, but it just doesn't come very naturally anymore.

This has been compounded by some less-than-responsible behavior on my partner's part. We're getting by okay with just my income, but my partner has a very difficult time sticking with any job. Jobs can get very stressful and overwhelming for them, and it takes a serious toll on their mental health. Getting misgendered, for example, triggers dysphoria that is hard to cope with/ They actually quit their last two jobs by ghosting their employers. And even though we're getting by, we could really use the extra money to pay off some debts, even if it's not a ton. But instead, for now, my partner is more content with staying at home all day because at least they aren't spiraling into a horrible depression due to dysphoria.

This is all to say: I still love my partner, but I've been feeling absolutely drained recently. I know marriages aren't supposed to be easy, but I don't think they're supposed to be *this* hard. I feel like I'm losing the person I married and they've been replaced with someone that I wouldn't have wanted to date if I were single. Are these difficulties something we can survive? Am I sacrificing too much of my own happiness for my partner's sake? How do I know if this is something that should be ended? I don't know if I'm at that point yet but the thought does occasionally enter my mind, and I feel horribly guilty about it. I just don't know if this is a rough patch or something I'm going to end up resenting my partner for.

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TL;DR: wife came out as nonbinary, it's been very hard on us. Is our situation sustainable?

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Edit: thank you so much to everyone who has responded (except for the transphobes, you can fuck off). It's helped me feel a lot better about myself and this situation. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do yet but hearing so many considerate and empathetic responses has been wonderful.

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 11:22AM by transpartner1234 http://bit.ly/2vpQcpi