TL;DR: I've been with a guy for five years, never told him about my trauma and it's definitely affected the relationship.
I was raised by a potentially narcissistic parent and went through the thing that rhymes with grape from middle school into high school.
I met my boyfriend when we were both 15 and at a summer program where I was free of my toxic family and kind of blossomed. I was nice to not feel broken and just enjoy a normal teen relationship, so I only told him the basics about my family and never mentioned anything else I'd been through. As time went on and I was back at home, when things got really bad I'd disappear for awhile because part of my narcissistic parent's style was making me feel like what was happening was my fault and there was just so much to tell him which I felt would be unfair to dump on someone all at once. I always hoped he go find someone happy and from a functional family like him during these times but he took me back after all three. The last was during our senior year of high school when I was told my family wouldn't be coming to graduation, they were moving and they thought the family would do better without me. I figured we'd both go off to college and he'd have a relationship he deserved and I'd be able to get help and maybe do things right with someone new.
But since I'm here you can probably tell I couldn't let him go. We laugh so much together and I'd miss the way he talks with his hands, gets so excited about trying new breakfast recipes and never lets me steal his hats. But I had a pretty common night terror about past trauma in his bed and he just held me and told me I was safe. at times like that I think it would be so easy to tell him and then I remember that he even admits to being emotionally immature and he's never really dealt with anything heavy. I also feel like it's unfair because someone with my baggage isn't what he signed up for. But if I don't tell him, I know I can't get frustrated when he makes seemingly innocuous jokes about me with my narcissistic parent or tries to make me think something they definitely did on purpose was an accident.
I want to decide what to do soon because Iwe've been each other's first everything and now he wants to take me on vacation with his family. I don't want to ruin another first when part of me thinks he doesn't really know me and it would just make more sense to start with someone new in the future. So my question is should I let all this shit out and if so, where do I even start?
Thank you to anyone who read all this nonsense.
Submitted April 04, 2019 at 11:16PM by DramaticPlum http://bit.ly/2CYBNVf
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