[Update] I [24/F] found panties, and he [28/M] denied knowing anything about them, then proceeded to confess that he wasn’t sure about us. Help.

Original Post

I just got back from a short trip abroad, and decided now would be a perfect time to ask where he was at with us. I had already decided not to move in with him, as he wasn’t showing he was all that interested in it happening, and I know that’s not a decision you take lightly. So I went over his house, things were going well, and he left to pick up dinner for us.

I then got a call from my sister, who said an anonymous account had messaged her on Instagram. This person told her that he had been cheating on me while I was away, and that she left panties behind the couch so I’d know it was real. Well, I found the panties. Placed them on the coffee table and waited for him to return.

I confronted him very calmly, and he absolutely swore he had no idea who’s they were, nor how they got into his house. I of course didn’t believe him, but he kept insisting. Said he would not hesitate to break up with me before cheating. I honestly wouldn’t put it past his stalker to break into his house to plant them there, but I also feel stupid for even thinking that. Some details in her message also didn’t add up, and he said the door wasn’t locked when he got home earlier, so there’s that. Whatever.

After that whole exchange, I felt pretty emblazoned and just straight out asked him where his head was at. That as happy as I was, I didn’t really know how he felt about me, or if he even thought about a future together, because he never tells me. He proceeded to say what I was hoping he wouldn’t. That he still isn’t sure about us, thinks we may be incompatible, but can’t really tell. His reasoning was shoddy and he admitted I was the best person he’s ever dated, that I’m a great person, a total catch, and we have amazing sex. He just feels something is off.

I called him out and told him what he’s feeling most likely has to do with attachment issues and defense mechanisms he’s built up because of his last relationship, and the relationships he’s witnessed growing up (his parents divorced and both remarried into pretty toxic circumstances, and his ex he was with for four years had extreme anxiety and they scream fought all the time (but were also obsessed with each other)). It may have been wrong of me to do so, but I know him and it’s plainly obvious he’s been self sabotaging his emotional progression in this relationship.

Anyway, I left. Told him I didn’t want to do it anymore, because I’ve given him 100% since the beginning, and I’d rather give myself that 100% than be with someone who won’t even try. He texted me after I left a long paragraph, and I sent him one as well. His mainly about how he does love me and is just confused, and admitting to the issues I’ve known he has. Told me he’d miss me dearly if this really is the end. Mine reiterated how I was disappointed, and hurt I am, and how much I loved him...just trying to explain my devastation.

I don’t know if this is really the end, I guess it should be, but it just hurts so bad. I never once imagined a future without him ever since we met. He was supposed to be it. Now I just feel exhausted and betrayed and really freaking sad. So yeah, there you go if anyone was curious to see how that went.

TL;DR: Was hoping to get a feel for where my boyfriend was at in terms of our relationship, being happy, wanting to move in together. Before I could bring it up, was told via an anonymous message I could find panties behind the couch, as he had been cheating. Confronted him, he denied knowing anything about them, think there was a break in or something (He has a stalker so not totally unbelievable, but still). Then proceeds to tell me that he’s not sure about us, and he loves me but he’s had doubts about compatible we really are. I walked out.

Submitted March 27, 2019 at 05:37AM by stephxo94 https://ift.tt/2UUaRNc