My (31F) Mother (50F) keeps telling me that she hopes my unborn daughter turns out to be a bad child.

Warning: Long.

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Some context: My husband (31M) and I (31F) are expecting our first child, a daughter, in July. I'm the oldest of 3 and this baby will be my mom's first grandchild. She is beyond excited.

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The issue: My mom keeps telling me that she hopes my daughter is "wild" and "bad". She says this because I was, admittedly, a difficult child, however, I do not think that this is entirely my fault. I'm finding myself becoming increasingly resentful of my mother every time she says this and I don't want it to ruin our relationship, or her relationship with her granddaughter. Any advice or insight is appreciated.

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Some background: My mother had me when she was 18 years old. She and my father were not married and I've met him a total of maybe 10 times in my life. I rarely saw my father because he has spent the majority of my life incarcerated and he is, in fact, still in prison to this day. After one of his many releases, around the time I was 21 years old, when he gave me a guilt trip for moving states away from my family, I have had little to no contact with him, nor do I wish to. As far as I'm concerned my stepfather will be my daughter's grandfather and my biological father will not have any contact with her.

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Long story somewhat short, my mother met my stepfather when I was months old, they were married and had 2 children (siblings I'm close to), and they were divorced when I was 9. I consider my stepfather to be my dad and I his daughter. We've had our issues over the years, but we have worked those out and we no longer hold anything against each other. My mother, on the other hand, went a little haywire after the divorce. Now, I don't blame her for the divorce AT ALL. Both of my parents played a part. Afterward my mother was unable to care for all 3 of us children, and sent myself to live with grandparents, my brother to live with our aunt and uncle and my younger sister stayed with her. I lived in approximately 10 different households following my parents divorce. I went to 8 different schools.

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I had no consistency, righteous discipline, or structure in my life from the time I was 9 years old. I acted out a lot. My mother, when I did see her, had started doing drugs (meth), she was unstable, emotional, and even violent. We got in many actual physical fights. When I was 15 I went out of state for a week with friends and not a single family member ever knew I was gone. My mother ultimately ended up in prison herself for a short time, and my stepfather, after ending up back in his home for the nth time, tried to send me to a foster home, because of how unruly I was/had become.

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This was a turning point in my life, as I was emancipated at 15 years old. From that point on my relationship with both of my parents greatly improved, as did my life as a whole. I moved to a different state, went to college, started a great career, and eventually met my now husband. Both of my parents are remarried and have settled down. I enjoy all of their company and we visit several times a year. Everyone is very excited about the arrival of a grandchild. Especially my mom, who has been asking for grandchildren for many years now. However, every time I mention the baby moving a lot, she brings up how she hopes that she is "wild" and "bad" and how "the way you acted as a child comes back to you ten-fold as a parent". I've kind of brushed it off up to this point, but it's making me pretty angry and bringing up a lot of bad memories. It's making me realize that unlike my dad, who has really gone out of his way to make amends for his part in my shit childhood, she's never acknowledged how bad of a parent she was, and that I have done all the work for us to have a good relationship. The thing is, she's very emotional and sensitive, and it stresses me out so much to think of hurting her.

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The thing I think I most resentful of is her telling my child, once she's old enough to understand, how "bad" of a kid I was and my daughter thinking that's some sort of permission for her to do the same. I know I'm overthinking this, but it is bothering me and I would like some advice. Should I tell her to not mention that to my daughter? Should I tell her how I really feel or just brush it off?

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TL;DR Neglectful mother excited for first grandchild hopes for bad grandchild out of spite.

Submitted March 27, 2019 at 08:23AM by areallyrealperson https://ift.tt/2U3hr7R