I (19/F) have been in a online relationship with a man who has said he was 28(40s/M) for 1 1/2 years and today I found out he has lied about everything.

I’m sorry if this reads very poorly. This situation has made me sick to my stomach and exhausted. I’m sorry it’s so long.

Maybe I am naive. Maybe I am idiot. I feel like one.

Last August I met a man on an online game. We hit it off. We started talking all day long every single day. Our personalities just aligned so well. Things developed and we soon felt feelings for each other. We exchanged I love yous. I was happy. I was content. I have had a history of being used, and this was the first time in my life that things just felt right. I know it was online. I know I never officially met him yet, but talking every single day like that, it was so easy to feel love.

I have always been very private person. I have a problem with my confidence, I don’t put myself out there very much. In the beginning I didn’t share much. I was scared to even show half my face. I was scared that he would hate me because of how I looked. But he was very supportive of me going at whatever pace I needed to. He always said take you time, I will always be here. I’m not going anywhere. He always cared more about my feelings and our conversations then my looks.

Eventually things advanced. And I guess it was getting more serious now. At this point I looked him up. I know I should have sooner but it felt more like a fun little thing more then something serious. I looked him up and didn’t really find anything that he didn’t already tell me. I did a lot of digging and couldn’t find really anything. I mean I literally found his family tree and everything matched to what he said.

I knew he was 9 years older then me and I guess to a college student that’s a lot. But I have always been attracted to older guys. I have always been more comfortable around older people. They are just more mature and I feel that their life goals match up better with mine then an average college student.

So things progressed. Our conversations turned more and more flirtatious. Pictures turned more and more flirtatious. He gave me confidence. He made me like my body for the first time. That feeling was something so completely new to me. Knowing that someone was attracted to not only my personality but my body, it felt good. And I guess I got caught up in that. I was attracted to him. And he was to me. So as much as an online relationship can expression those types of feelings, that’s what we did. I was still careful, but I showed him a lot. I go to school 6 hours away from where he lives and I live 3 hours away from where he lives. He had always said that he wanted to come and see me. Whether it be at school or when I’m home for a break. In the beginning I always said I was not ready because I truly wasn’t. Yes I was gaining confidence. But I did not nearly have the confidence to meet him yet. Pictures and videos are a lot different then real life. But like always he said take you time, I will wait forever, whenever you are ready. Even when I was home for the summer he told me that if I ever wanted to go down and visit him or wanted him to go to me, just to tell him. He never pushed anything. But more just to let me know that whenever I was ready he would be too. I mean he told me his address very early on because I wanted to send him a handwritten letter. I knew where his parents live, I know where his best friends live. He didn’t hide that stuff from me. So I took that as a sign that he was hiding much. I guess that was a mistake.

Eventually my confidence gained and my school announced a new mini break in the middle of October, which happened to fall exactly the year mark of the first I love yous. I was scared and nervous and excited but I told him he could come to meet me then. So we planed it. It was the first week of September and we planned to meet for October.

Our conversations for the next month and half revolved around us meeting. How excited we both were. I was excited about meeting him yes. Because i knew when I would meet him if that feeling of love was real. And I guess on top of it I was excited because with the feeling of love and trust in him, I was ready to give him things that I have given to no one else. I was excited for that. He was nervous but excited.

Well 5 days before he was suppose to come he contacted me and said that he messed up. That I was going to hate him. See, he is very very close with his family. Specifically his aunts, kids, they are much younger then him. But they absolute adore him. But apparently he forget that back in July that he promised he would do this special kids day event in his town with them.

When he told me he wasn’t coming I was well devastated. But I understood, his thing was always take your time, mine was always family first.

I know the importance of family. And I will never in my life come between someone and their family. Another one of my sayings is try everything twice. Because the first time you do something there will always be mistakes, there will always be nerves, the second it will be easier. That second time is when you have a better idea if something was right. So I forgave him. But that was his first chance. He had one more chance, and then if he messed up again like that, if he hurt me again, I would be done. I don’t mess with things like that. I know I am too fragile of a person to allow myself to suffer through that.

I was obviously upset that he didn’t plan better. But I was not upset that he couldn’t come. I turned to my family for support. They didn’t want me alone all weekend, I was a mess. So they flew me home. I had to spend 11 hours in the airport, I got no sleep, but I was going home. And I needed it. I needed their support. I needed to their love because it hurt.

A little background. I am a huge dog lover. My dogs are the world to me. Specially my dog named lucky. Well the day I flew home, Luckys health took a 180. He was an old man, but before I came home he was achy but fine. But the night I spent in the airport something happened. I got home, I saw home and I knew. I knew it was time. We took him to the vet and he was put down.

So I was in a weird point. I was sad that he wasn’t able to come out to see me but at the same time if he didn’t cancel. I would have not been able to say goodbye to my best friend, the dog I grew up with. So it was easy to forgive him after that. It was easy to move on from what happened because well he allowed me to say goodbye and I am so greatful for that.

So I told him that I would really like to see him before my thanksgiving break. He said he would try but the holiday season is his biggest time for work. I knew that. I didn’t get my hopes up.

The week before Lucky passed I bought a puppy. I got a dog with the intent with him being trained him to be a service animal. I have some anxiety and depression. He helped me with it. He helped me a lot. He has got me to calm down from a lot of panic attacks. He has been my rock for past year. But I needed something physical I needed something with a heart beat that I can feel and focus on. So I got the dog. He was very supportive of that. I was going to pick up the dog when I went home for my thanksgiving break. The dog was 6 hours away from where my home is and 3 from his. He was right in the middle I would drive by his house to get there. He had the idea that I could meet him at his house, we could hang out and then we can drive together to get my dog. I of course loved that idea.

So what we did before, for past weeks we have talked about us meeting. We have talked about our nerves are excitement, what we will do. Talked about what I do with the dog.

Today comes. My mother texted me and said can I call you. She found things online of him. She found that there is a women that says he is married to him. That they have a kid together.

See I knew he had a bad relationship in the past, where he was friends with this girl, she wanted more and he did not. She didn’t take it well and tries to ruin this by hacking into accounts and stealing things from him. Apparently she goes around saying that they are together. But he doesn’t talk to her. That’s what he told me.

That same girl is the girl that says she is married to him. The mother of his child.

I asked him. Which I know wasn’t the smartest idea, but I needed answers. He said that it wasn’t true. That he doesn’t have a kid. That he isn’t married.

I went to where my mom found the information and it’s pretty hard to believe anything that he says. The pictures. Everything. It shows him with his little girl teaching her how to surf, the first day of kindergarten. It shows him and his wife together. It shows everything. It also shows that he’s not 28 and and instead in his 40s.

So right now I’m not mad. I’m just disgusted. I’m disgusted by him. I’m disgusted by the fact that he would do what he has been doing with a wife and a little girl. I’m disgusted by the fact that I am 5 years older then that girl but he doesn’t care about that at all. That he has shown me things and has enjoyed the things I showed him and I am 5 years older then his daughter.

But most of all I am disgusted by myself. I am disgusted that I let this happen. That I was so naive that I believed him. I am disgusted of the things I have done with a married man with a kid. I angry at myself that I let it happen. That apparently I didn’t dig deep enough to find the real information information.

Now I need to figure out what to do. I have proof of things we have said in our conversations. I have plenty of pictures and videos. The wife deserves to know. The wife needs to know. I am not the person to ever do that. I am not the person to ruin a relationship. I am not the person to be a side thing. I am not the person to alloew myself to be used and manipulated. I will not allow some one who cheats on their wife, especially with a young daughter to act like it’s ok. The things we have done disgust me now. The feelings that I have felt disgust me now. I found this out tonight and I have already moved on from him. See when I love, I love people that love me. His love was fake, his love wasn’t real and knowing that makes it so much easier to move on. I never completely gave him all my love because I was saving that for when I would meet him. Well I never will meet him. And that Love is gone.

I need to tell the wife. I need to tell her what has happened the past year and half. I don’t want to ruin her life. But she deserves to know, if not for her then for her child. She deserves to know what her husband has done. I’m scared to tell her. I’m scared for her reaction but me being scared is not more important then her finding out the truth. I just am trying to figure out how to word it. I’m trying to figure out a way that’s not too harsh but a way she knows the severity of the things that we have done. I know she will be angry at me. Believe that I knew the whole time, I didn’t, but I know that will be how she feels. But I deserve that. I let it happen. I deserve to be hated. Because I hate myself for allowing it to happen.

What do I do? How do I go about this? What do I tell her? How can I not feel disgusted by myself?

TLDR: I unknowingly allowed a man to emotionally and psychologically cheat of his wife for over a year. He denies it. But there’s too much proof for it not to be true.

Submitted November 16, 2018 at 01:55AM by pazer12 https://ift.tt/2FqcHCk