My SO has completely changed and I don’t know what to do or how to get her to realize her behavior and seek help.
I apologize now because this is a long post. I (22M) and my significant other (22F) have been together for 9 months, and we are expecting a child that will be due at the end of June 2022. We were so excited when we first found out. I gave up my career, sold my house, and took a significant pay cut to move up to her because she didn’t want to move to me and be away from her family and she wanted to finish her schooling. I moved in at the beginning of November and from the first day things weren’t good.
I had noticed a change in her behavior in the weeks leading up and chalked it up to stress from mid terms and finding a place to live together and just day to day stresses. But things continued to deteriorate, she isn’t the same person I fell in love with and wanted to marry and have this child with. I still love her and I love our unborn child, but I’m honestly scared of what each day will bring.
We were best friends and would talk about everything and rarely fought but always worked through our fights in a healthy manner when the occurred and had a healthy relationship. Now she can’t even stand to be in the same room as me. She has said over and over she hates me and doesn’t love me anymore and is miserable with me, along with other very hurtful things ranging from attacking our sex life, my intelligence, my family, anything you can think of has been used to hurt me. I’ve tried sitting down and explaining my feelings and how those things are to far and it’s not ok to say, but she has zero remorse or empathy for me. She has also told me on multiple occasions she doesn’t want to do this anymore and wishes she could abort our child and wants to put it up for adoption. I feel this is another way of getting to me and hurting me, but it honestly scares me that she would do something to our child if she is talking this way.
I try and be as helpful as I can, I do the laundry and dishes, I clean the house, I try and talk to her and comfort her, but fault is found in anything I do. Example is tonight I was scooping snow off of our driveway, we have a pretty large gravel driveway, and I was scooping with a flat shovel around our vehicles to get down to the gravel (because if you live somewhere where it snows you know compacted snow is slick) my intentions were to keep the high traffic areas completely clear and the rest of the driveway I would just push off. She noticed I was doing that and came out calling me special needs and threw the snow shovel at me. I tried reasoning and explaining what I was doing but she slammed the door in my face and continued to berate me from inside. This is just an example from tonight this is an every night ordeal. She doesn’t want to go out on dates, there is zero intimacy in the relationship, and I’m not talking just sex, I mean no hugs, hand holding, kissing, absolutely zero touching. And she’s tried to kick me out and makes me sleep on the couch now.
Only reason I’m still here is because I provide the income for our household while she’s in school, and the furniture in the house is all mine as well. I’m not claiming I’m the perfect partner I have some annoying habits and at first I was overbearing because I felt like I was losing my best friend. Her hurtful words made me pouty, and I’ll be the first to admit I can be annoying. Nobody is perfect though and she used to accept me for who I was.
Talking to her is not an option I have tried and tried to no avail and it always ends up with stonewalling or her screaming and cussing at me. I’ve tried explaining my thinking and actions on things but she says I’m making excuses and I’m stupid and annoying. I’ve sought out counseling to try and work on some of the things she had complaints about and to make myself a better person overall for myself, my unborn child, and her. I’ve asked her to go to couples counseling multiple times and each time there’s a new reason why we can’t and she claims she’s not one to air out her problems to others. I don’t know what to do I love her and our child and I want things to work.
I don’t know if it’s hormones causing this behavior. I’m not saying her complaints don’t have merit and I’m trying to work on myself but it’s hard when you’re constantly being belittled and unhappy. And the situation isn’t helped by the fact she runs to her ex and tells him everything I do she doesn’t like and he just drives a wedge. I’m at the end of my wits, I don’t want this to have a lasting effect and her to permanently resent me, but we have barely any communication anymore and I’m honestly concerned she is emotionally cheating and, possibly physically too, on me with her ex. I just want my best friend back. Any advice or shared experiences would be appreciated. Thank you.
TL;DR
My pregnant SO has been verbally combative, some would say abusive. Her personality is a 180 from before she was pregnant. I don’t know if this is a hormonal thing or if she has a borderline personality disorder that the changes she’s experiencing in pregnancy are bringing out. I’m not the perfect partner, I’ll never claim to be but her reactions are not what I would say are normal for her.
Submitted December 10, 2021 at 11:56PM by Low_Simple2178 https://ift.tt/3GxAxXq
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