We've been married 4 years. So this year for Christmas, my husband and I decided that we would spend our Christmas with his family this year a few months ago. I had no problem with this at the time we had made plans.
Unfortunately for all of us, some things change. For one, this Christmas, I am working on Christmas Eve. I typically don't, but this year, I have to be in the office. This creates a conflict since the gift exchange with his family takes place on Christmas Eve. I gave my husband ample warning that I had to work, and he just said we would figure it out. (This is very much my husband's attitude towards a lot of things: make no move until the situation resolves itself.) Yet, every time I want to talk to him about it and nail down some plans, he seems to think the plans we set months ago are 1000% set in stone.
My issue is that after I come home from work, the last thing I want to do is hit the road for a 3 hour drive to his parent's town. I had suggested that, maybe just this year, we can skip the gift exchange this year on Christmas, and drive on Christmas day, and then just spend the day with them. My husband immediately told me that won't work and we have to be there on Christmas Eve. But he won't offer me an explanation as to why he won't compromise.
The second thing that happened this year is that my dad got covid about a month and a half ago. Since he caught it, he's been terribly sick and has been on oxygen for over a month. We've been able to avoid days long hospital stays, and this would definitely had not been the case if my parents weren't vaccinated (go get the fucking shot, BTW). I hate seeing my father like this, and while it is unwise for our family to visit him right now, my family wanted to just do a FamCon (Family conference call) and just hang out, talk, and try to make some fun with some Jackbox games that we all participate in.
My husband's family Christmas is huge. All together, he has about 30-40 people all in one house and it can definitely get hectic. (Compared to my family, 10 people, tops) So near the end of the day on Christmas, I was hoping to join the call with my family and just hang out with them for a bit. I would really like to see both my brothers since they are both currently living in a different country than the rest of us. My husband takes issue with the fact that this conference call will maybe go on for a couple hours, and during that time, I won't be in front of his family. I can't really carry on a conversation on a phone call when I have 20 other people talking around me all at once.
But again, my husband instead wants us to play Jackbox with his family, but not mine. I don't want to force everyone to play together either since my family is very introverted and being around the crazy that is my husband's family can be overwhelming.
Every time I bring up a concern about the plans, my husband says we already have plans, nothing to discuss. If I want to do one thing with my family, I just feel that it is met with resistance. And my husband really hates confrontation, so any time I try to bring it up making any changes, he completely shuts down, tells me he doesn't want to talk about it, and then just goes quiet.
How do I let my husband know that I would at least like to spend a couple hours with my family without him getting upset that I won't be hanging out during that time? How can I get him to have a conversation about this with me if he's just going to get quiet? Thanks in advance!
Tl;Dr: I make the slightest change, husband says it's not possible, nothing gets resolved
Submitted December 20, 2021 at 05:01AM by Mental_Indication283 https://ift.tt/3EfxBNE
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