Me [32 F] with my very big crush [35M]. I'm childfree, he has a child. Is it fair for me to change my mind on a previous dealbreaker?

Long time reader, first time writer. I've never had an issue like this before, and I feel like my friends are probably sick of hearing about it. They're all also split, or see both sides, in regards to what I should do. I need a neutral perspective.

    Back in April I made friends with a man I have mutual friends with, and we meshed incredibly well. I've had long term partners and limerence and new relationship energy before, but nothing like this. There's a level of understanding and communication and attraction that feels incredibly special. We could find joy doing anything together, and he brings out the absolute best version of me. I feel like I know what a good adult partner should feel like for the first time in my life.  

  The biggest hang up is he's a single dad, and I'm childfree. I was opened to casual dating and feeling it out, but he was looking for serious monogamy. I put the breaks on things because it felt way too serious too soon, and I had never imagined a future with children in it at all. I felt like in the long term we were incompatible and setting ourselves up for heartbreak.

  We talk a bit still and hang out once in a while, but keep it platonic.

That being said, I'm still absolutely head over heels in love with him. Time, and space, and keeping things platonic have not changed that in the slightest. I've started casually seeing someone else (long story short it's casual and we both feel like it's not a forever relationship), and it is not making a difference. I'm also throwing myself into being busy overall, work, friends, hobbies. I'm not bored, or horny, or lonely, I just feel like I am absolutely meant to be with this guy. I think not seeing this through to the end is going to be a huge regret for me.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and processing it a lot, and I feel like I've come to terms with the idea of maybe one day being a step parent. Or just having a child around a lot more. He's a very sweet and happy child, I like him, and I could love him. It gets a bit dicey when I think about ever living together, but things might not even get that far. Or I could grow into that idea better as things progress. But I can feel my interest growing in what it would be like to have a child.

This could all be moot since he might not be willing to give me another shot, but I think my chances are good.

Edit: A lot of you seem to be missing the point. I don't think his son is negotiable, that would be horrible, and I know they're a package deal and I want to love them both. That's why I'm in this situation, my mind is changing in a very big way and I want to make sure it's real.

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tl;dr How do I know I'm really okay/happy with dating someone with a child and not just convincing myself I am because I'm in love? I don't think it's fair to either of them if I feel like his son is an add on. I don't think I do, but children have always been an absolute dealbreaker for me and I don't want to end up in a mess where any of us are unhappy.

Submitted September 30, 2021 at 08:04AM by Childfreethrowmeaway https://ift.tt/3oqNVH8