Our relationship is kind of unusual in that we don't live together (been together for 4 years). We live about 25 minutes apart. We have tentative plans to live together eventually, but we will both move to a new place (it's a very long story and not the focus of my issue so I won't get into it right now). I drive, he does not. But just to give some background....
He used to commute over an hour one way to work in the beginning of our relationship. At that time I worked from home. He often (two to three nights per week) would go out after work with his friends and come back late and I wouldn't see him on those nights. But we'd always see each other on the weekends. Also, since I worked from home I would go to his place nearly every day even when he wasn't there. I would do little things like make sure he had groceries, look after his dogs and pick up his dry-cleaning etc.
I missed him a lot and was frequently lonely and didn't really feel like I was a priority. But that's just how our lives were for a couple of years.
Then we went through a period where we both worked from home. I'd go to his place and we'd work there, and often I'd stay over. During quarantine, I stayed with him for several months. But there were some issues that he needs to work on before I'm willing to live together full time.
Since Covid, I haven't been working and he still works from home on contract so we still spent lots of time together. Recently I got a job and I will be able to work from home after Christmas but for now I need to be in office. My commute is quite long (an hour and a half one way). By the time I get home I find I'm exhausted (and again, he doesn't drive). I don't want to then drive an extra 25 minutes to his place.
I told him I can see him on weekends during these 6 months, but he's quite upset about this. He's always asking me angrily if I'm coming over after work and each time I say no he gets really annoyed ("I feel like I'm single!" "you need to see me daily!"). It's not logistically reasonable for him to come here either (he doesn't drive and he has 2 dogs and they aren't allowed in my building, plus I usually just want to eat, shower and fall asleep). He'll also say things like "come over....let's go have some fun!" and I've just worked a very long day and commuted and the last thing I want to do is go out and have fun during the week.
We've had a few fights where I've reminded him that for a couple of years I put up with him staying out a lot, and I'm not out having fun...I'm just exhausted from the day. Plus he'd come home (like at midnight!) to food and a clean house whereas I still have to look after my own life. He gets more annoyed and says "stop bringing up that time period...I'm not like that anymore!"
Has anyone else dealt with a relationship where you can't see your partner except on weekends? He isn't threatening to break up with me, but at this point I could almost picture it since he's always mad at me. Am I being unreasonable or is he??
tldr: I used to see him every day and now can only see him on weekends because I'm exhausted from work and he's mad.
Submitted July 22, 2021 at 05:24PM by Far_Pattern7811 https://ift.tt/3BtxdLc
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