My live-in girlfriend [30F] brought home a kitten and a puppy without consulting me [26M] and pretty much leaves their care and maintenance 100% to me. How do I get her to take more of a responsible role?

Hi Reddit, I appreciate your advice on my current issue.

I’ve been with “Renee” for almost three years, and we’ve been living together for the past one year. She moved into my apartment (I have a two bedroom place). Her previous living situation was one wherein three women her age lived in a single bedroom apartment, and she stayed in the living room. Renee is a barista at a chain coffee shop. I am an accountant but also a personal trainer. Due to the pandemic, some of my personal training clients have chosen to complete their sessions via Zoom or Google Hangouts. I therefore host these sessions from my apartment.

We live in Manhattan and it goes without saying that our rent is quite pricey. Renee didn’t make enough to live on her own and that’s why she had two roommates in a rather not-so-good apartment previously. Because I have two jobs, I was able to rent my own apartment without too much trouble. Renee doesn’t make much in her own job and she does have several thousand dollars in student loan debt (her degree is in communications), so I don’t ask her to pay rent. Renee does, to her credit, buy all the groceries, which for two, athletic people who eat quite a lot, runs up a hefty bill. However, it must be said here that I do not rely on her to do this, and I do not rely on her earning power in the slightest.

Renee and I share Swedish heritage in common, and we both enjoy running and staying fit. Renee also sings and for a while tried to become a professional singer but it never worked out so now she works as a barista until she finds a new project. We also share a love of classical music.

I don’t know if it’s relevant or not, but we share a healthy sex life and I can see myself married to Renee. Renee and I aren’t the kind of couple where she demands I do all the cliche stuff where I get down on one knee and give her a ring. We have an understanding that once pandemic is over, we’ll start planning our wedding in earnest. Renee and I also envision children in our future.

Well, on to the point. Renee is an avowed animal lover, and tells me about her youth where her family had two dogs and how she took care of them and everything. She also lamented that in New York she never had the opportunity to have pets.

Ever since pandemic started, the second bedroom in the apartment has been my area where I host my personal training clients. We have hardwood floors so it’s easy for me to demonstrate exercises and arrange yoga mats and small weights and the like.

About two months ago, I come home to see that there is a kitten and a puppy screaming and crying in our apartment. There was also pee and fecal droppings on the floor. I texted Renee immediately (she was at work), and she explained that a customer at her coffee shop had offered her a kitten and a puppy from their litter, and she immediately accepted without asking me.

I’m sure you can imagine we argued back and forth (we aren’t the kind who raise voices or are nasty, but the discussion was nevertheless unpleasant). The gist is that Renee was depressed that she had no pets anymore and that I had my personal training job and accounting job and was busy all the time, and that taking care of animals would be a fun activity for her to engage in.

Well okay then, I don’t think it will be too bad as long as she takes care of the animals, but it was still a bad sign to see very small animals abandoned at my home without even pee pads set out or having them confined to a controlled area until she came home. Or, that she didn’t bother to tell me first.

So anyway, for the first few days, Renee takes care of the dog and cat. The house really starts to smell, so I realize that she’s not doing a good job of cleaning. I go out and buy proper cleaning supplies and scented candles and go to the pet store to buy proper cleaning products. Renee knows about these products but she still didn’t take care of the animals. She works about thirty hours a week (overall, I work about 75), but she does tend to leave for work at 5am because she is the opening shift at her job.

She doesn’t walk the dog or clean up the litter box before she leaves. I end up having to do it.

I ask Renee about it and she says “she doesn’t have time.”

Also, she needed to take the animals to the vet to get their shots and everything, and she didn’t have the money for that so I ended up paying again. It turns out the cat has some kidney problem so needs special food, so again she can’t afford it, so I have to pay.

I don’t mind paying for these things but I just feel anxiety because Renee seems to show poor judgement and planning skill. She also lets the animals get really dirty and isn’t really willing to wash the pets, so I end up doing it again.

Over the weeks, it’s become clear that I’m the only one really taking care of the animals. I’m getting up to feed them, clean up after them, walk the dog, clean the litter box. If I try to take a stand and don’t clean them at all, Renee will literally go days and not clean up anything and the house becomes so smelly that I end up doing it.

What’s most annoying is that after I clean up the animals, she will post selfies with them to Facebook and Instagram. While she will tag me in these posts, she is implying very strongly that she is taking care of the pets and she certainly doesn’t correct any of her social media friends who compliment her pet-care skills, and they fawn over how cute the animals are and what a great “pet mom” she is.

I’ve tried talking to Renee about her lack of participation in caring for the pets, but she seems completely oblivious that she isn’t doing anything to take care of the animals. She seems to believe that as long as she sets out a food dish for the pets, then that’s all you have to do. And she doesn’t care or notice if there’s crap everywhere.

As far as my personal training, the spare room has turned into the pet room. It’s a big bedroom and the animals have the run of it. I am the one walking the dog three times a day. Renee will ignore him all day long.

I do my training sessions from green areas outside or at the park, which I guess works okay but it’s a lot less convenient for using yoga mats and bringing weights with me. The reason why is because the dog and cat will invariably bark and hiss and carry on if they hear me hosting on Zoom and they see another face on the tablet or whatever.

Renee tells me it’s “cruel” to keep the cat in the bedroom all day. Well, I’m working all day and Renee is patently unwilling to supervise the cat in the living room. I learned my lesson because before, the cat peed everywhere and ruined a beautiful couch I had to throw out. I told Renee that if she can watch the cat while she’s home then it’s fine for her to have him out in the living room, but to not let him scratch up the furniture and if she seems him doing so, to put him back in the bedroom.

Renee says that’s unreasonable. But at least she doesn’t go against my decision.

At any rate, I have the cat out in the regular areas of the apartment when I am home, and while I’m supervising, the cat refrains from destroying anything.

I am unwilling to let the animals suffer or go without, just to prove a point to Renee.

So Reddit, any advice on how I can get more help from Renee? How do I help her understand that I shouldn’t have to do this all alone? I’m already working all day long, and now I have even more responsibility I never asked for or was part of the decision making process in taking on.

Yes by now I am attached to the dog and cat and in truth they are really my pets now and the dog clearly obeys me most of the time and ignores Renee.

But Renee still revels in the attention on social media and how everyone pats her on the back for how great she is with animals.

I don’t care if people give her credit for the animals being healthy and happy. What I care about is getting enough sleep so that I can have energy to go out all day and make money to pay the bills.

Thanks in advance for your help!

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tl;dr girlfriend brought home dog and cat without asking me. Now I am the only one taking care of the animals. How do I get her to help?

Submitted March 02, 2021 at 07:38PM by AverageValuePlayer https://ift.tt/3uRvtIc