Hello, Reddit. Throwaway account and long story that I'll try to make short.
About 4 weeks ago my (25F) husband (27M) started acting weird. We have been married 3 years. Eventually, he basically told me that he hated his jobs, his school, his life, our marriage, etc. This crushed me as it took me by surprised, and for the next week he barely spoke to me. He blamed it on school and tests, but he never would initiate contact with me over that week. It was the worst week of my life. He convinced me that all of our marriage problems involved me, and were caused by me.
I noticed during this week when our marriage was falling apart, he was texting another girl pretty much all day. I say girl, because, she is. She was a 17-year-old from our church (this is not illegal where we live and she is almost 18). He was in a pastoral role. They had always had an inappropriate friendship since the beginning of this year (too much alone time; tutor sessions, 'therapy sessions,' snapchatting, etc.) and against my wishes and feelings he continued their friendship. A few weeks ago, they started having sex. They had sex at least 4 or 5 times, all in the back of his car, when he would go for "late night drives" to "clear his head" and go pick her up from her parents house (she'd sneak out her window).
I had proof of this by finding used condoms in his office room trashcan. Saturday night he cried to me and told me he hadn't done right by me, he should never have blamed me for everything, and he is sorry he treated me terribly. After this emotional apology, I confronted him about the condoms, and he admitted sleeping with that girl. A few times unprotected. He went to go stay with his parents, and resigned from his church position the next morning. Even then, at church, he hugged her, laughed with her, and talked to her (this is from my friends, I wasn't there). He also saw her Sunday night and "cried with her about how he was going to lose me" and they also had a phone call Monday afternoon to "say goodbye to their friendship."
Well, now he is finally realizing what he's done, after losing everything. He has been begging me and pleading with me to not leave him. The other day he wrote me a 8 page letter with happy memories and endless promises to change and be a better man. His letter said "I'm so sorry it took all of this happening for me to realize you were the most important thing," and "If I didn't care, I wouldn't write you this 8 page letter begging you to stay."
The past month (and our entire relationship) he has stonewalled me, gaslighted me and manipulated me into thinking I was the problem. He sat there across from me at dinner texting his teenage mistress while I tried to keep myself from falling apart. He had unprotected sex with her on Thanksgiving night after I spent all day with his family.
I can forgive him, but I cannot forget. The way he has treated me in our marriage has chipped away the love I once had for him. Of course, he was amazing when he was amazing and our marriage was fun and full of love at times. But I know deep inside that I do not want to move forward with him and give it another chance. I feel numb and empty. I think I almost don't have any feelings left for him at this point.
I do however feel very sad for him. He has lost everything. His job, his passion, his reputation, and about to lose his marriage. He was so good at what he did. I think of him and I feel so much sorrow and sadness knowing how he must feel right now. I feel guilty for not giving him another chance. I feel guilty that I am going to break his heart even more than it is now.
I feel so bad for him and the feeling is killing me.
TLDR; my husband cheated one me and I am going to leave him, but I can't stop feeling bad for him.
Submitted December 04, 2020 at 06:06PM by throwawaysally13 https://ift.tt/3omwOTx
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