My (30m) ex wife (30f) of 10 years has become involved with a (52m) life long felon and relapsed and just sent me an email saying she thinks she may die soon.

I'm sorry this is so long, this is the lowest I can ever remember being and I have nobody I can turn to so if you find the time in your evening to read through and offer advice it would mean more than you could know.

My heart is collapsing in on itself. This was my worst fear before i ended things and it has manifested into a reality. Please help.

I was with my wife for nearly 10 years, when I met her she was a recovering hardcore heroin addict. During our relationship she was sober for nearly the entire time, she did great, even being able to take limited pain meds around 5 years in after a surgery without relapsing or waking up that demon (although it did scare the shit out of me at the time)

Around 3 years ago, we both tried kratom hearing it was kind of like kava which we enjoyed and found it too similar to opiates and we agreed not to use it anymore so as not to keep playing with fire. She had been seeing a therapist to deal with a childhood steeped in terrible traumas and had convinced her therapist she was doing so well her therapist suggested she didn't need therapy anymore unless she really wanted it.

Unknown to me and the therapist, she was using it a LOT but hiding it and lying to her therapist for xanax, mixing the two, and eventually crashed her car a couple times, telling me each time she swerved to avoid a deer. I was an idiot and I believed it until I found a ton of empty pill and kratom bottles in her car. There was a major fight and loss of trust, after lots of communication i agreed to let her try and build that trust back and I felt guilty for trying the kratom with her to begin with so i feel i shared some of the blame. I told her I would cover all bills and she should start saving all of her money towards a deposit on an apartment (she never did) in case this happened again because we wouldn't survive and I wouldn't have someone stealing from me and lying to me living in my house.

Anyway that didn't happen, the lying continued, manipulation, got worse, it came to a head and I decided as much as I love her I could not continue that marriage or start a family with that kind of situation and called it quits. It was very painful for both of us but moreso for her I think. She couldn't keep a job for one reason or another. Was staying with neighbors for a while but the father became creepy towards her and she left and started living in her car. She got high or drunk and totaled her car shortly after, injuring herself. I could not stand the idea of this beautiful person having to go sleep by herself in the park and being around triggering influences. I met with her, a while after that, she seemed healthy and stable, and I sold her a newer car for $500 so she would have a place to stay at least.

Fast forward to now, the car has been parked in front of what looks like a stereotypical tweaker house for around 2 months. I never dug because I didn't want to know the answer as to what the situation was but I'd try and email her (she doesn't have a cell phone and wouldn't take one that I offered her) to see how she was doing from time to time.

Someone in this small town told me she was running around with this old ex-con tweaker who she had worked with. Well I finally did some digging and he has a criminal history with everything from attempted murder, child molestation, domestic violence, possession and sale of meth/hypodermic needles, burglaries, gun charges, you name it. They love all of each others posts on facebook, and his address is listed as the same run down house her car has been parked in front of. Yesterday, after trying to get in touch with her for weeks to see how she has been doing and if the job search is going well she sends me this,

"Hi. I'm sorry I'm so fucked up. I can't stand my life. the cafe didn't work out. My boss sexually harassed me and after saying something he didn't stop so I quit. I can't do this anymore I'm not ok at all and I'm going through a lot. I need to not be here. I'll probably die here. This is a go no where town and I feel like I'm already dying. I've been sick and had nothing good to tell you. I'm alive and the dogs are good but that's all. I'm so sorry i ruined everything''*

So I'm at a loss of what to do. I thought the worst part was the divorce, didn't think I could feel worse, I always worried about a situation like this arising and was told "you can't blame yourself if she makes those choices" but I honestly can't internalize that. She made shitty choices and became a person who I couldn't be married to but I don't completely blame her, her entire childhood was trauma and she never had anything better. I also feel guilt for even trying kratom with her in the first place. I don't know how to help. I'm engulfed in horror. I'm thinking about asking the police to do a standby while I go and knock on the door, but worried about making things worse if her situation is abusive.

I have no # for her, and she only checks her email maybe once or twice a month. She has no contact with her family as they are all horrible people. I'm terrified and helpless and guilt ridden about the fact that if I had stayed with her she would likely not be in this situation. Would I be happy? No. but my happiness would not be as bad of a penalty has her actual death or an abusive situation. If she dies it will fucking break me for the rest of my life.

TL;DR My ex wife of 10 years is in a situation she may not survive and I have no clue how to help or what to do.

What do I do? How do I even process this? How do I help?

Submitted March 01, 2020 at 08:17PM by Whiskey_and_Pine https://ift.tt/2VCC1vp