I (27F) never really forgave my husband (30M) for spitting on me during our honeymoon. Is it wrong to leave now?

3 years go my husband and I went on our honeymoon. It was all great until we got into an argument and he spat on me. I grabbed my phone to call my family and he grabbed my phone and bent it. I forgave him and we moved passed it but I always harbored resentment. We’ll go weeks without fighting and then one day we’ll argue about something and he’ll go off the rails and call me a name. Over the course of our marriage he’s called me bitch, whore, trash — you name it. But the hard part is when he isn’t a scum bag he’s so sweet and caring. But I just can’t get over this ugly side of him. I’ve become depressed, laying in bed all day and I do cook for him but I neglect my cleaning duties bc to be honest sometimes getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain. We don’t have sex anymore. Honestly, I feel like a bad wife but I feel like I haven’t been in the right state of mind for a very long time. Would it be wrong if I just left? I already started secretly packing. I plan on leaving Saturday while he’s at work. I love and care about him but I just can’t see a future with him, and I hate myself. I’ve been getting a lot of pressure from my family saying that if I leave I need to be 100% sure. But I feel like I am, but his sweet nature keeps pulling me back.

The reason why I want to leave secretly is there is no way we can have an amicable split. The situation would be too volatile.

EDIT: Thank you for all the kind words. I plan on leaving Saturday while he’s at work (if all goes as planned). I haven’t had a job for a few months but I have enough to get me to my relative’s home. I will post an update. This will probably be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I pray that I find peace one day.

TL;DR! My (27F) husband (30M) has verbally abused me over the past three years on and off and I never actually got over it even then I forgave him. Would it be callous if I just left and divorced him?

Submitted March 04, 2020 at 03:37PM by throwawayintoledo https://ift.tt/2TCa58d