Im not sure if this the right place to post this.
To start, my mom and I had a wonderful relationship growing up and she's been there for me when I really needed her during trying times. But I can't do the same for her any more.
A bit of back story, growing up we lived with my grandparents, her parents, and my late great grandmother (my other rock). My relationship with my grandparents at the time was abusive. They were mad at my mom for various reasons and took that out on myself and my older brother, as a result my older brother was hardly (never) around. I don't want to go into too much detail about their abuse, I just want to highlight the financial part of it cause I think it pertains to my current situation. My grandparents would take money from my mom, they straight up nickled and dimed her for everything, constantly accused her of not paying enough, changing the amounts of what was due each month, bullied my brother to drop out college cause "it's a waste of money" and told him to get a job so he can contribute and nickled and dined him too till he moved out. I was starting high school during this time. They would take my lunch money that my mom gave me cause "she owed them money" but some how had enough money to buy a large RV and to pave a second drive way with gaudy gates for said RV. Later found out they remortgage the house to afford it. Jump cut to 2011 during my first year at a CC we lost my grandfather, great grandmother, and one of my aunts. We also lost our home to foreclosure. So mom and I stay in our apt. And my grand mother stays in an 55+ housing community. After moving around between the two homes a couple times (granma didn't want to live alone and my bro would live with us in between spots)
From my knowledge, by 2015 was where the problems started. My bro was living in San Diego, I was living with mom, and my gma at her place. But my bro was still paying rent to my mom since he would be with us during the week. It was a weird set up where he had two jobs one by us and the other in SD.
By 2016 my mom is laid off, and my bro moves back home. This entire time I've been paying my share of rent, or at the time what I thought was my share, and my finances was tied with my moms for some reason. I wasn't really financially literate at the time and assumed me being broke all the time was due to my low paying job. During 2016 I started budgeting and noticed my mom was taking my money. I started noticing this cause she would refer to my money as hers. So I got my own account, switched my phone to a different carrier, and got my own car insurance.
By 2017, my brother is quickly fed up w/ how much he's spending on rent and moves out. This left me with paying the full amount of rent, my own Bill's and my moms Bill's. Now she did get a severance package but till this day I'm not sure where that money went. I dont know if it went to MLMs or all these licences (insurance and real estate) that she claims she needs. But basically that money vanished. She also decided she didn't want to work in the career she was in anymore and wanted to sell insurance and real estate.
In 2017 I went into debt trying to keep us afloat. I maxed out my two credit cards, took out loans from check cashing places, with her urging/advise. All cause we can't move cause her credit is shot and the only reason we have the place we do is cause it's in my brother's name. (To the absolute frustration of my brother) I had a car in her name, again with her help and urgency cause I didn't know about 1st time buyer loans. I had fell behind in payments cause I had to choose between paying the car note or rent. During all this I was struggling mentally and dealing with events that occurred during 2016 and with financial struggles. At this time my uncle (her brother) was trying to convince me to move out and save myself but I didn't cause the thought of my mom being homeless and on the street makes my blood run cold. Till this day that's how I feel about it.
She gets a job in her old field by the end of 2017 but it's not working out for her. At this time I was having difficulties with my job as well. By 2018, my car died cause I didn't have enough money to pay for maintenance since all my money went to my phone (needed for work) and rent. At some point I even let the insurance slip and wasn't caught up on registration. I just never had the money. I then got a new job closer to home that paid a bit more (went from 13/hr to 15.50/hr) and with help from my uncle and my brother I got a new car in my name. Two months into my new job, my mom gets fired from her job. And since then I've been covering rent and my Bill's and everything again. I told her this time I wasn't going to go through this again with her and she needed to look for a job asap no more mlm bullshit. But I feel like now I have a worse problem, she's stuck on this insurance thing. She wants to sell insurance so what ever chunk of money she does get, it goes to keeping up her licenses for insurance first. They even have her driving everywhere to these meetings and stuff. But she's not making any money from it. She has like 1 sell every 4 months, and she only makes 400 from that one sell. But after every meeting she comes back excited and gushing bout how she met this person or group that's going to help her sell better or pay like 4000 for every person that signs up for the insurance, or both. And it just sounds like a mlm but she swears its not and this how you sell insurance federally.
So from then till now, I've been spending my whole check on making sure we don't get evicted. I've again, with out paying off my other loans due to not having enough money too, got another loan to cover rent back in sept.
I've switched jobs again cause I want to move towards the career I'm trying to study for (it's hard when I can't even afford school) and my job isn't close to home anymore. I had to borrow money from my uncle to pay her share of the Bill's (cause she cant ask him for money cause she owes him and everyone else for that matter a whole lot of money) and I've been paying him back up till now where I had to ask him for an amount of money that I still cant figure out how I'm gonna pay back. And I tried, knowing that it would be a hail Mary, to save both my checks in full for rent but I couldn't cause I still need gas and/or train money to get to work. I have most of the rent, were short 400, was 200 but I guess I miss heard her when she told me she gets 200/wk for un employment. I seem to miss hear her a lot some how.
I tried and still trying to sell my things to come up with the money for rent and to pay back my uncle. I'm checking what freelance things I could do, I'm trying to find solutions.
My mom on the other hand, took my car to San Diego for an insurance meeting while I was at work, spent I'm assuming 200 on the whole trip cause I needed air in my tires and oil (I know this but I don't have the money for it, I'm focused on rent) and just in general does shit like that. Any time any body tries to explain or talking to her bout what she's doing and not doing she just shuts down. She starts crying and snapping at us, asking what more she can do, asking what we expect her to do, claiming she is looking for a job by reaching out to her agencies but they're not helping, then turn it on us and saying were not helping and she does this and that to help us (like taking care of my tires and oil and buying food[sugary drinks, lunch meat, and sausage] going with my grandmother to the dr.) But when we tell her it still spending money we don't have she asks for that money back from us. And she guilt trips us for not supporting her.
I'm emotionally worn out. On one hand, I cant stomache the thought of her being homeless but on the other hand sometimes...I can't even type it out. Basically, I'm starting to hate her and I can't think of any other way to help her. I'm no longer sympathetic, and I don't know how to be supportive anymore. I can't even be supportive when she tells me bout the interviews she has lined up. Cause she always has interviews lined up and nothing comes from it. I just feel nothing but stress. How do I be supportive again?
This was already long so I want add some additional info:
• My mom doesn't have a car, so she uses mine to get around when I let her. Or she uses my grandmother's car. Her car died a long time ago but she refuses to get rid of it cause its fully paid off. My grandmother gave her a second car but that needs to be repaired.
•My bro and I are the main two bringing in money but I'm the one bringing in the most money so far. This is cause my bro is still getting back on his feet after a major motorcycle accident he was in back 2018. We're still waiting on the payout for that. Not for us, for him. (And hope to god my mom doesn't get her hands on any of it)
•My bro during his recovery is staying with my grandmother if that matters.
•My uncle is pretty much rich and helps out my grandmother, my brother, and myself when he can. Him and mom have a bad relationship.
•Due to their bad relationship he will let her be homeless. But he will house me if I need it.
•My other aunt (moms sister) has been nomading this whole time and just came back home, currently staying with my uncle and is helping me sell my things.
•I've been wanting to move out since 2014 but didn't cause I thought I didn't make enough and when I realized I did make enough I had to help out my mom.
•I am planning on moving out as soon as my probation is up at my new job. So by april.
I know this is all over the place but I skipped over a lot and didn't really know how to connect everything. Kind of hard to figure out what the essential information is.
TL;DR my mom sucks with finances and I'm going broke and deep in debt to keep her from homelessness. Wondering how else to help her without hating her.
Sorry for all spelling and grammar mistakes, I typed this out on my phone.
Submitted March 01, 2020 at 11:51PM by Viindictive https://ift.tt/2VDFGsW
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