I know my ex, "Adam", since the beginning of high school. We dated our senior year of high school, and we dated when we both graduated college for 3 years (22-25).
The first time we broke up was because we were going to college on opposite ends of the country. We didn't want a LDR.
After we broke up, we still stayed in touch while in college. We usually texted each other once a day. But there would be many occasions when we would talk hours on the phone.
When we graduated college, both of us moved back into our parents' home. We started to hang out more. We both realized that we still had feelings for each other. We decided to give it a second try. Things were good. Eventually, he and I moved into an apartment about a year after college.
The last 8 months of this 3 year period were bad. He lost his dad, and they had a very close relationship. This triggered a really deep depression. It was really, really bad. Many days he wouldn't get up to go to work. He wouldn't shower or eat properly. Around the same time, I got a really exciting job offer that would have required me moving. When Adam found out about the job offer, he broke up with me. There were two main reasons why he broke up:
1) He felt he was holding me back from pursuing my dreams because of his depression. He even said that he doesn't know when he will be "normal"
2) He didn't want to move because he wanted to stay close to his mother, especially after his dad died.
I was not prepared to break up, and was pretty blindsided. I was in discussions at the time with the company to see if I could remotely work somehow. We had been discussing marriage, and right before his dad died, he was secretly looking for rings (which I found out because that is what happens when you leave the computer open).
Anyways, after a lot of heartbreak, I moved to take the job. After a period of no contact, we started talking to each other. He had sought help for his depression and wanted to apologize for the way he ended things. He and I dated a few other people during this time, both casually and seriously. Again, when we were dating, we didn't talk much. However, whenever we were both single, we had long, 4-5 hour conversations. We had a connection. In hindsight, this should have been obvious to me.
About a year ago, I moved back to our home town. My dad had a stroke, and I realized I wanted to be closer to him and my mom. I started hanging out with Adam, just the two of us without any mutual friends. Being with him slowly bought those feelings back. But now it was like he was a perfect mixture of the "old Adam" and the "new Adam." He was always a person who could make me laugh. All these years later, he hasn't lost that ability. In the past, he was a bit insecure about himself and constantly wanted to please other people. Now he is this kind person who knows how to keep boundaries. He was a bit chubby before, but now he has grown more muscular and a bit buff, and he looks really, really good.
I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like a teenager with a crush. I constantly have X-rated thoughts about what we could do.
But... I am just not sure if it is the right move to ask him on a date. I mean we have been together twice before, and things didn't work out. What is to say that it will work out a third time? Am I overthinking this? Is there too much baggage between both of us to try this again?
TL;DR Dated ex senior year of high school. Broke up because we were going to different colleges far from each other. Maintained contact. Got back together after college. His dad died, and we broke up again because of his mental health issues and I got a good job somewhere else in the country. Still maintained some contact. Now I am back in my hometown. We have been hanging out. I have had a resurgence in my feelings for him. Afraid to ask him on a date because of past break ups. Am I overthinking this?
Submitted February 09, 2020 at 02:58PM by Such-Term https://ift.tt/2HcqvhE
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