I (26f) don’t like how my boyfriend (27m) and his ex (27?f) have made me feel like I’ve had to step in as a parent figure for their kid (5f)

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now, having known about his daughter since before we even got together. It was never an issue for me that he was a dad, especially with how he talked about fatherhood and how he lit up when talking about her. It was nice.

I didn’t actually meet her until a month and a half in because of schedules, but when I did it was incredibly awkward (on my end, at least). Now, I know meeting a significant other’s kid is always a little weird, but from what I was told I expected a more calm and well mannered kid. She... was not. She was rude with absolutely no manners, running around the restaurant we were in. I felt embarrassed at being THAT couple with a child and basically sped up eating to get on with the rest of our plans that day. She ignored me the entire time, which is more than fair; kids are shy with strangers and I kept my distance until she approached me. From what she told him after I left that evening, she really liked me despite the lack of interaction.

Because it was so early in our relationship I didn’t feel comfortable being firm or disciplining her to any degree, looking the other way whenever she did something bad or acted up. It wasn’t my place to since her dad was always right there.

It wasn’t until about a month after our first meeting that I finally put my foot down and started to tell her “no” - something neither of her parents did at the time. I wasn’t going to let a child demand things of me and get her way constantly. It was encouraging a bad habit and allowed her attitude to go unchecked. Her dad actually seemed relieved that SOMEONE stepped in, which caused for an argument since I’m not her parent and shouldn’t have had to be the one to do it. He got onto the trend very quickly and since she’s been getting told no and being forced to use manners, she’s mellowed out heavily. I guess her mom, despite not liking me (because I told her she had to stop relying on my boyfriend, HER EX, to handle problems she created and grow up), has appreciated the change.

Since she realized I’m firm, but very fair, his daughter has warmed up to me immensely. She draws me pictures and always wants to tag along when I’m running errands, or wants me to pick her up from kindergarten “because I play her songs”. I don’t mind having a bond with her, it’s nice, but I also don’t like that since I was the one that originally started to make her change her attitude, her parents assume I’m the disciplinary person, or the one that needs to teach her how to act.

Even if I’m not there for the problem, I’ll get a call from her dad and “when you come over can you handle it”, or her mom will text him and ask if I can call to scold the girl on the line.

I’ve expressed that it’s irritating me that I’ve had to become the bad guy since neither of them can do it “properly” (in their words), and I feel it’s taking a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend since I never wanted a kid. I accepted he had one, yes, and I knew that if our relationship became long term I’d be taking up a step mom role, but I don’t like that I’ve had to take over a role that they should have had from the get go.

TLDR; my boyfriend and his ex don’t discipline their daughter, making me have to be the “bad guy” and show her manners.

Submitted February 06, 2020 at 12:00PM by PastelShadows https://ift.tt/385TGPf