I've been friends with C for years. I'm pansexual and actually first became her friend because I thought she was cute. She's ace and straight though and once I realized, I put romantic thoughts aside and we became good friends.
I've been dating my fiance (30m) for almost three years and we recently got engaged. C lived with us for a few months while she was saving up for her own place last year. She and my fiance are close friends and have some similar hobbies they've bonded over. When fiance and I first started discussed marriage a year ago, we both assumed C would be a bridesmaid as both of our friendships with her were so solid.
However...since the time she lived with us to now, there have been multiple incidents that have made us very uncomfortable with C:
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She's frequently referred to us as her parents. Neither of us is much older than her and it weirds me out when she does this. I'll ask her to stop, she says she will, and then weeks later is back at it. "Mom dad stop Fighting!" was her go to phrase if we so much as disagreed in her earshot.
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She tells her mom EVERYTHING, including personal information about my relationship with fiance. Both of us have received phone calls and texts with unsolicited advice. Her mother called to offer her services as a wedding planner...three weeks before we got engaged.
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C calls and texts both of us multiple times a day. She says things like I love you, which doesn't bother me amongst friends, but if we don't reply as soon as she likes, she'll say things like "don't you love me too?"
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She's referred to herself as fiance's "blank girlfriend" on more than a few occasions. If they like movies by the same director, she's his "jj Abrams girlfriend". Like the same book series? She's his "Witcher girlfriend". I've said time and again that it makes me uncomfortable and she teases me for being jealous. C says that because she's ace, she isn't interested in him and I'm too sensitive.
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She told my family that I asked her to be a bridesmaid three months ago, before I was engaged or asking anyone to do anything. My family was hurt and confused.
Since getting engaged, she's been more and more needy of our time and has already started asking about dresses for the wedding (the wedding isn't for a year at least). She's also asked when her mother will be receiving her own invitation, despite the fact that we weren't planning on inviting her mother. It's a small wedding.
Fiance and I don't want her in the wedding party since she's shown that she's incapable of making something NOT about her and she's shown she doesn't much care for our boundaries or comfort. Hell, I'm not convinced I want her AT the wedding. She seems to feel so incredibly entitled to every aspect of our relationship and now she feels entitled to every aspect of our wedding.
How do I say "no" without hurting her feelings? How do I make her see how inappropriate she's being and how stressed out she makes me?
Tldr: Not in a poly triad, chick seems to think we are and has to be included in everything.
Submitted February 08, 2020 at 10:28PM by throwthrowawaynew https://ift.tt/37dq4hL
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