I'm a 31 M living in Los Angeles, despite the abundance of people here I have been really having trouble forging a long term relationship, tbh I can't even get many dates. I've been on bumble, tinder, coffee meets bagel, hinge with little to no success. I haven't even gotten a single match on Tinder and Bumble. Like in 3 years not a single "you've matched" with this person, and I'm not very picky on these apps sometimes I'll just blindly like 10-12 women in a row blindly just to see what would happen. Look, there is no way to say this without sounding arrogant but I'm not a bad looking guy, I have a decent job, have decent fashion sense, have a car, I work out 4-5 times a week, have a good friend network, I'm people's trusted confidant and I am popular among my network.
People love having me around, but I am still single, I've dated a few times, in the past few years and for various reasons they just didn't work out. I asked my friends recently to be brutally honest with me and they said that sometimes I come off as friendly but "emotionally distant and cold" and that I give off a very strong "friend" energy. Not that I'm too nice or anything like that, just that I'm basically not a sexual being, that I am not someone who women would consider having sex with. Nothing to do with my looks or my body, I'm just kinda boring I guess. I was on a date with a woman who got drunk (it was a disastrous 3rd date and our last) who admitted to me that she wished she could "put my personality into her exboyfriend's" but the fact someone would even tell me that kinda speaks to me.
And I know, "value yourself", "love yourself", "have confidence" blah, blah, blah, I've heard that a million times, trust me I work on that. I need some real non-vague talk. How do I stop giving off friend energy? Do I be less humble around women? Do I post shirtless/thirst pics online a bit more? Do I stop showing up to events that my friends invite me too so people really start to miss me? Do I just straight up at the start of meeting a woman say "I'm not really looking for anymore friends in this city, wanna get out of here?" Like what? Because at this point I am realizing I have to make major changes. I am 31 and miserably lonely and feel like if I don't make changes soon I'm going to be that way forever. So what should I do?
**tl;dr**: How do I get rid of my "friend" aura that makes people see me as a viable choice for dating?
Submitted February 02, 2020 at 11:08AM by SeaNerve02 https://ift.tt/36OhQws
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