Hi all!
So I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for about 6 months. We met online, and we live about 40 minutes away from each other. I really like his sense of humor, his active lifestyle, and his emotional maturity. He also asked me to be his GF and told me that he loved me.
He’s been very sweet to me in many ways, including introducing me to friends and family, coming over to my parents’ house on Xmas, driving me to a medical procedure, etc.
However, I’ve also gotten a strong impression that he has tunnel vision for the physical side of the relationship. While we go on dates every once in awhile, he seems to have a preference for hanging out late at night. We rarely see each other in the light of day. A few times, we had plans to do something “briefly before bed” (his words), but he showed up to my house much later than planned. When he got to my house, he just says “Well, is it bedtime yet?” And then he makes the moves on me.
I’ve talked to him about this, and he insists that he’s looking for a real relationship, not just a sexual relationship. But the late night hang outs continue. It bothers me a lot because he claims to be such an active person, constantly going out and doing things with friends, but rarely ever takes me out.
A few months ago, he had the flu, which I then got. It lasted awhile (~2-3 weeks), during which time he only came over once and immediately asked to hook up. When I was finally recovering, he had a convo with me about how he was worried that the physical side of the relationship wasn’t as fulfilling the past month. I was a bit hurt because he had known that I was really sick the previous few weeks, so I reminded him that we weren’t having as much sex simply because we had both been sick.
Last night, I was going over to my parents’ house for dinner, and he texted me asking if he could come sleep over at my house after my dinner. Immediately, I was a little annoyed because it felt like a booty call. I knew he had a class to attend first thing in the morning, so it wasn’t like he wanted to stay over so that we could do something together in the morning. It felt obvious that he just wanted to hook up.
I told him that he was welcome to come over, but tried to turn it into more of an actual date by asking what he wanted to do. He called me and explained that he “didn’t have anything in mind” but was hoping to “come over, say hi, seduce me, and then go to bed.” He then flew into this whole speech about how he “doesn’t want it to always have to be a big thing” and that he wants our relationship to be chill enough that “he can just come over and say hi without having a big session beforehand.” I felt like he was implying “before sex.”
Now I dunno if I’m being too sensitive, but that statement really hurt me. I felt like he was referring to a date with me as a “session” and a nuisance he wanted to do away with. I was shocked at how boldly he was basically admitting to wanting a booty call from me last night. I’m really looking for a real relationship, where the friendship comes first, but I feel that’s really lacking in my current situation.
But at the same time, I don’t know if this is simply normal in a relationship? I’ve been in a 4 year relationship in the past, and it definitely wasn’t this way.
I’ve also caught my current boyfriend in a slew of little white lies, like claiming he’s stuck in traffic on his way to my house, and I find out later that he was out with friends. But when I confront him on these things, I have to give him credit for how maturely he takes the conversation and admits to his lie.
I’m honestly just really bothered by my boyfriend’s behavior lately, and I feel like the relationship is so unfulfilling for me. He rarely expresses an interest in doing anything but having sex, and it’s becoming more and more apparent to me that we see this relationship very differently. I would really like to have a conversation with him about his words last night (I was unable to have a convo with him at that point). Any advice as to how I should I go about the conversation?
Thank you!
TL;DR Boyfriend seems like he only wants sex, and asked to come sleep over late at night because he “doesn’t want it to always be a big thing,” referring to dates with me - how should I confront him and explain that I need more from the relationship?
Submitted February 02, 2020 at 07:48AM by shortschwartz111 https://ift.tt/2ugPAFg
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