I (f27) learned last year that my fiancé (m30) had met up with/had initial strong feelings for a girl about two months into our relationship after we made things “official”. We have been together now 4 years or so. He felt she was “gorgeous” and he had the “most fun with her on those dates” than any other dates he had been on at the time (ie more fun with her than me). Found out about this through his friend and he even wrote about it in the margins of the book he let me borrow. Basically, this situation was corroborated.
I confronted him last year, and he whole-heartedly denied it. I moved on, though I never forgot and still get twinges if unease and hurt if the memory came up.
This weekend, I was on his phone (with his permission) on Facebook. went to type in our friend’s name and the recent searches came up. I see this girl and my gut dropped. I knew it was her - I clicked on her page and once I saw her place of work I confirmed it was indeed her. He had been looking her up recently.
They are not friends on Facebook, he is faithful, loving, and kind, but this makes me nervous. I brought this to his attention and he had a story about how they have mutual friends and this is not the girl he met previously (kind of owning up to something he previously denied). Then he gets mad at me for snooping and it all got turned on me and I end up apologizing.
I’m just so frustrated. I KNOW he met a girl and that this girl was the one. Now he is searching for her and keeping tabs. I know this isn’t out of the ordinary for people to do, but what bothers me most is his lying and turning it around at me. Are my feelings valid? I can’t seem to shake this sad, uneasy feeling.
TL;DR - fiancé keeps denying that he has met with a girl a couple years ago that I have proof he did. He turns my questions around on me and gets angry and I end up saying sorry. I feel sad and uneasy about it all. Am I overreacting?
Submitted June 03, 2019 at 11:43AM by NotSoEternalOptimist http://bit.ly/2WdlE55
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