My [28F] married coworker [33M] out of the blue asked if I wanted to call off my wedding to be with him

(Throwaway for privacy. I'm surprised this username was free.)

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When I joined my tiny tech company a few years ago the culture was quiet and standoffish. Being a friendly extrovert who craves social interaction, I began organizing social events to get the team talking and hanging out. The company culture has slowly become more friendly and open, and I consider many of my coworkers to be friends. I love my job, it's a uniquely amazing situation.

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One coworker, “Matt”, recently started messaging me inside and outside of work hours. Not unusual, but his tone and emoji usage gave me some flirtatious vibes, so I stopped replying outside of work hours and made sure to constantly bring up my extremely funny and good-looking fiancé and our upcoming wedding.

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Last week, after a team happy hour that included my fiancé, Matt, and Matt’s wife, I got a message from Matt that went like this:

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“Can I ask you something in confidence? I have very serious feelings for you. I really tried not to, I’ve just never met anyone like you. Do you want to talk before you take your vows or are you happy where you’re at? I’m totally ready to drop it if you’re sure that’s what you want. I don’t want to put you in a bad spot. I just have to be honest”

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I felt sick and showed my fiancé. We were both gobsmacked and a little angry. I’m friendly with everyone and I joke around a lot which I know can come off as flirty, but I had been careful to send zero confusing signals to this guy. We work together closely on a lot of projects. His desk is next to mine. I had thought we had built up a friendly rapport. He’s MARRIED and his wife is VERY COOL.

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I ended up sending only this in response:

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“I’m blown away that you thought this was appropriate. What does your wife think? Are you going to tell her about this? What part of me constantly talking about [Fiancé] and our wedding gave you anything to misread? What made you think I would keep a text like that from him? I thought we were coworkers becoming friends but obviously I also misread the situation. You need to keep it strictly professional with me from now on. If you ever bring this up again, I will have to report it.”

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Matt spent the rest of the night apologizing and backpedaling and saying he felt very stupid and would keep it professional now. He then put in PTO for the rest of the week. He hasn’t contacted me since.

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My fiancé thinks I should go to leadership with the texts, and I hate that I feel this way, but... I don’t want to. I know he’d probably be fired, and being a tiny tight-knit company, everyone would find out what happened, and I just don’t want to be in the middle of a dramatic shitstorm like that. I hate that my reluctance to navigate the exhausting task of holding him accountable feels like I’m defending him. I'm also thinking about his stay-at-home wife. I tried to find her contact info and failed.

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I’ll see him for the first time at work on Monday. I’m thinking about asking him to find a reason to move desks. I plan to act breezily professional and feel it out, but I'm worried he'll say something else or the job I love will be made awkward. Where can I go from here?

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TLDR; Married coworker asked out of the blue if I wanted to call off my wedding to be with him, I shot him down and showed my fiancé, how do I navigate work after this?

Submitted June 28, 2019 at 08:58PM by donotemailmywife https://ift.tt/2NkLG74