Coworker (40sF) is mad and throws tantrums because I (20sF) use our office manager and boss as intermediaries to resolve issues instead of addressing her, even though I've tried in the past.

Sorry if this is the wrong sub for this, I'm not sure where else to post it

Some background: We work in a small department at a demanding office job. I am in my mid 20's and my coworker is in her mid-40s. She took over my position when I was promoted about a year and a half ago. Overall we don't get along but I am an easygoing person so I keep things friendly with her for the most part. Our day to day responsibilities don't really overlap too much, but I inherit a lot of her work product and we share some clients. We also sit directly next to each other in cubicles.

So the first time I had an issue with her, I did confront her. She had left emails up on her computer screen to another person in our department (50sF), they had a thread about me saying nasty unnecessary things about my personal life and speculating about my medical condition even though I thought we were all on good terms. When I confronted her about the emails, she got super defensive and said she was talking about me because I'm bad at my job, and went on a tirade criticizing my work abilities. It completely caught me off guard and I was standing there crying like a dumbass.

I moved on from it but from that point on I decided I'm done dealing with her directly regarding workplace issues. Anytime I have an issue that involves her, I've been going to my boss or our office manager (whoever is more appropriate to deal with the situation). She gets fucking PISSED every time and throws a huge tantrum. For example this past Friday I came down from talking to the office manager about an issue that didn't even involve her, she just assumed I was talking about her and said "you know I'm sitting right here, I don't know why you can't be an adult and talk to me directly" and told me to "keep [her] name out of [my] mouth".

She has told me I'm acting like a preschooler, that I'm throwing her under the bus, and she is morally better than me because she would never do that. She also makes comments to herself about how she's the "wrong person to fuck with" and how "people need to watch themselves". I literally just ignore her because I have no idea how to respond to any of this. It's not like I'm going to file a complaint every day or for petty things. It's a small, insular office environment so issues are inevitable and she's made it so I don't feel comfortable addressing them with her.

I'm honestly just trying to do my job and get through the day. I don't know how to deal with her or what to do if an issue comes up again. Does anyone have advice about navigating this situation?

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Tl;dr coworker is becoming more and more hostile because I am using HR to resolve issues instead of confronting her myself, even though I have tried in the past. How do I deal?

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Edit: I just wanted to add that, because I inherit some of her work product and we share clients, I have to talk to her in at least some capacity every day so ignoring her completely is not an option.

Submitted June 30, 2019 at 11:28AM by catrick_bateman https://ift.tt/304X9cJ