My [28F] younger coworker [21F] is in a relationship with a ton of red flags and I'm concerned for her, but I'm not sure what, if anything, I should say to her.

I've been working with her for a few years and I am somewhat of a mentor/supervisor to her. Lately we've been working more closely which leads to more conversations, including learning more about her relationship. In a few conversations with her about her boyfriend, she complained about the following:

1) He came home late and didn't fully close the back door which caused the cat to get out. She woke up early in the morning and realized that the cat got out and her boyfriend wouldn't get up to help her retrieve the cat. She said this has happened several times.

2) She didn't sleep well last night because she had to sleep on the living room floor, because her boyfriend snores.

3) He complained to her that she had a tendency to talk over people and was obnoxious in social groups, then used a description of her astrological sign to support his description of her. When she said he'd hurt her feelings, he said that she was talking it too personally and blamed THAT on her astrological sign as well.

4) Several allusions to his heavy drinking.

After hearing more about their relationship, I had this nagging feeling that there was a weird power imbalance in their relationship so I asked how old he was...lo and behold, he's 41 years old. I'm worried for her because she has a history of self-harm and depression, and she doesn't have a good relationship with her parent. This relationship has ALL the red flags and I want to have a serious talk with her to try to get her to see this, but I'm afraid that if I say anything she will clam up and the only thing it will achieve is to stop her feeling comfortable confiding in me. She's supposedly planning on buying a house with this man in a couple of months, yet this afternoon she texted saying that he called in sick to work because he stayed out too late last night and now he's out drinking with a woman and avoiding her messages. How can I support her? Is it possible to help her see some sense, or is it best to just be a shoulder to cry on?

TL;DR:. My younger coworker is in a relationship that is teeming with red flags, including a 20 year age difference. Is it possible to help her see that this relationship is not healthy?

Submitted June 26, 2019 at 10:19PM by adjblair https://ift.tt/2NgQPgI