(M 28) I'm a former gang member and I've been to prison before - I'm afraid to tell my girlfriend (F 25)

I was locked up when I was 18 on drug charges. Did four years. That wasn't my first run in with the law. Got in all kinds of trouble with coppers when I was a lad growing up. Did a few months in juvenile for getting caught with a knife when I was 14 as well.

Like father like son in a sense cause my dad was always in and out as well. My mum died of HIV when I was 11. She was a prostitute. My dad weren't around so got took in by the state and my life just spiralled. Always bunked off school, joined a gang, fought with rival gang lads, did drugs, sold drugs. Saw a good mate of mine get stabbed to death when I was 16. Still have PTSD from that today. I can't lie, sometimes I just break down crying when I remember it.

Going to prison was actually the best thing that could have happened to me. I think if I didn't I would have been dead by 21. Got my act together inside and did my GCSEs and A Levels. When I got out of jail I was able to go to uni cause of my studies inside and I did. Got my degree and haven't looked back in life. Left all the old gangmates and that life behind. Though I do still go back to the estate cause I have started working with youth intervention groups in my free time.

Met my girl through a friend at work. She is amazing oh my God. Like we have only been together just over a month and I'm already head over heels. She's just wonderful. We have started sharing more things about each other and my past has been weighing on my mind. I mean my girl already knows my childhood wasn't easy but she don't know the details. And I feel like if we are to progress as a couple then I gotta tell her. Don't want no skeletons in the closet ya know.

But thing is I'm just terrified she will reject me cause of it. I mean I'm already on thin ice regards to this cause she comes from a proper nice and posh background and I'm a bloke from a fucking impoverished hood in South East London (I still ask myself what she sees in me). I met her sister before and she took the piss outta my accent. Like it was all in good fun but it did make me feel self-conscious. I ain't met her parents and just the thought of it makes me weak in the knees cause surely they will think I'm not good enough for their daughter. I've also been on nights out with some of the posh mates she went to uni with and fucking hell, those kinds of people make me sweat more than I did when the judge read out my sentence.

tl;dr

I honestly fear the worst regarding telling her. I think I'm fucked. I think she will look at me as a criminal and will end it there and then. And the thought of that kills me. Really does cause I really like her. A colleague told me I shouldn't tell her, that what happened is in the past and she doesn't need to know. But I feel like she does and I'm resigned to telling her. How do I go about it though? And was my colleague right about "keeping it in the past?" Thinking about this is making my head spin. 3AM and I can't sleep.

Submitted June 30, 2019 at 06:53PM by throwawayaccc2300975 https://ift.tt/2JdCn3H