Tl;dr: If my sister's kids are taken away from her, I don't think I could take care of them. Am I ruining their lives by allowing them to go into foster care if it comes to that?
My sister has always made choices that make her life more difficult, because she feels having a hard and shitty life makes her better than people that have it "easy". She doesn't understand that people often work extremely hard to live that way. Specifically my brother and I, who she hates. Unfortunately, for this reason, and others, we think she'll become homeless within the year. Our family has gotten to the point that giving her money just enables her to demand more of it without ever taking responsibility for herself or her family. Our parents are in debt because of it.
She has 3 amazing daughters (5, 6, and 10). She openly verbally and emotionally abuses the eldest, and can barely show affection to the other two. She's told our mother that she "doesn't get anything out of them" anymore, which breaks all of our hearts because those girls deserve better. She recently split up with the father of the youngest two, and has moved back in with my parents temporarily. My parents adore her children, but my sister is tearing everyone's lives apart in that house.
- She's got a new boyfriend that CPS says can't be near her kids (we don't know why but it's not a stretch to guess), and she has made him the priority. She doesn't even spend the night in the house with her children, opting to spend it with him instead.
- Our dad is not well. He's recovering from a cancer scare, and has early/slowly progressing Alzheimer's. He's confided in my mother that he feels like he's having a breakdown from the stress of having her in the house, and the stress of taking care of three small children. He absolutely loves them, but his condition is such that he is often confused and temperamental, which isn't conducive to raising three kids all over again.
- There's built up resentment. Not at all toward the children, but to my sister who starts screaming matches every chance she gets. Over the years she has maintained that every problem in her life is our parents' fault. Now she screams it in their faces every night, and never thanks them for taking her in or taking care of her kids. I live in constant fear that one of these fights will end in my father having a stroke or heart attack or my mother having a breakdown herself.
- My mother has confided in me that due to my father's health, if the girls are taken away from my sister, my parents cannot take all three of them. Their fathers (the oldest has another father) are all losers, but the youngest two would probably go to live with their dad. If he doesn't want them, they would have to go into foster care. My mom thinks they could take the oldest, but fears for my dad's health constantly. Needless to say, the guilt is killing them both.
My dilemma is this. I have worked tooth and nail to get where I am today. I am in the second year of an extremely competitive career in a city 2 hours away from the family. I have overcome deep, suicidal depression to get here. I am paying off student debt for a hard-earned college diploma to get here. I have finally gotten to a point where my life is how I've wanted it to be for the past 12 years. Before things got to this point with my sister, I was actually happy.
If the kids have nowhere else to go, I love them dearly but don't think I could take them. There aren't jobs for the work I do in my home town which often requires long days and weekend work. And where I live now, I can't afford an apartment for 2-3 extra people; let alone the cost of taking care of them.
And the thing I feel most guilty about is the fact that deep down I know I could quit my job, find something unrelated but close by, and make it work somehow. But I would hate my life, and I don't think I'd make a good parent to my nieces. I feel like I'm a horrible person, but if CPS or my parents want me to take them, I don't think I can. Am I ruining their lives if they need to go to foster care?
Submitted June 27, 2019 at 07:31PM by wordswordswords7 https://ift.tt/31V5yBf
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