I (29M) want the freedom to be able to get tattooed. My fiancé (25F) doesn't find them attractive and is upset

Me (29M) and my new fiance (25F) have been together for 7 years, and are planning to get married in a year.

We've always been a very strong couple, but we got an issue regarding whether or not I should have the freedom to get a tattoo. Which she doesn’t find attractive.

We've grown up differently, my parents have always been strict, but also very supportive of creativity and freedom. On the subject of tattoos, my father had a rule "No piercings or tattoos while living under my roof." I've always been cool with that, I basically left home for college and career at 18 and still never got one. Instead, I waited for the right idea to come, spent years trying to find the right artist, and do the tattoo "right". I've always made this known to everybody, and never kept it a secret. This was 3-4 years ago.

During this, my fiance (GF at the time) had MAJOR issues with this. She doesn’t find the attractive.

Throughout that entire process, I tried my DAMNDEST to explain to her the "self-importance" of doing this for myself alone.

She didn't see it this way... I told her I cared about her opinions and views, but in the end this is something of importance to me. I can sympathize… but I also hold my values.

Anyways through all of that buildup, I got that original tattoo years ago. She couldn't look at it for a while. But we worked through it, and she still finds me attractive. I know she doesn't love the tattoo on my shoulder, but she isn't disgusted by me.

So between then and now, I had mentioned to her i'd like to get another. To which she would roll her eyes and give me a lighthearted "ugh, where this time." I kept transparency with her on placement, design idea, and have never been secretive. I found a new artist, and want to get another piece on the inside of my bicep, nothing vulgar or trashy. I asked her if she'd want to accompany me this time, and worked to book the appointment on a schedule where it worked for both of us.

But now I'm a week out and this is starting to blow up again. And back to the root of the problem on her end "I don't respect her opinion or I wouldn't do it." We've had extremely long conversations where I’ve gotten emotional and sad and explaining the importance of being able to have certain life freedoms, I think all people should have. I want more than anything for her to understand where I'm coming from and to trust in me.

She's mentioned we're about to get married, and it's not just about me anymore, we're a unit.

She says "don't say you care, because between a tattoo and my feelings, you pick the tattoo" and I feel like that’s not fair and missing the point of this whole thing.

I don't know how I can mend or help this scenario, without compromising my deeper-rooted belief that I should be allowed to have freedom for personal self-expression.

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TL;DR My fiance thinks I'm being hurtful to her because I want the freedom to get tattoos, and she doesn't find them attractive. "I'm picking the tattoo over her feelings." Am I out of line, how can i help her understand?

Submitted June 27, 2019 at 10:39AM by VastBarracuda5 https://ift.tt/321iGV8