Hi reddit,
I'm a bit drunk so please bear with me.
Me and my fiance have been together for three years. He's American, I'm Australian. We met in the US when I was working there. A year ago I found out he had about US$4k on credit cards. I grew up poor, so I immediately sorted him out with balance transfers to zero interest cards to pay off. He gave me his original credit card so he couldn't spend on it.
Fast forward a year... I moved back to Aus a few months later, he moved to Aus to be with me, left everything behind. He can't find a job here, he ended up as a part time barista. It's expensive too - rent is US $1400 a month for a 1 bed apartment. Don't talk to me about the price of avocados. But, I can pay all the expenses by myself. I'm rich (now - because of growing up poor and never buying anything), but he didn't know that.
I do get a bit fucked off when we go on dates and I have to pay everything. I worked hard for my money, I didn't expect to have to split it with a partner. I do resent him for not having a full time job. We split the rent proportionally, so if he doesn't pick up shifts and sits on his arse, he doesn't have to pay rent. But, I also enjoy his company. I'm happy to pay for his $6 beer along with my $20 cocktails. He also does the shopping, cleaning, etc. But I still work more overall.
Anyway. I recently find out that: he hasn't been paying off his zero interest cards properly, so he's had late fees and penalties. He has also been spending on them (wtf? rage). These are in the range of US$4k still. I offered to pay them off before the interest started, and he can pay me. He's been prevaricating about that for about two months. Today I decide it's time to fix it. I see that he hasn't paid his cards for two months (=penalties and interest, about $200; he doesn't seem to understand that this is money that he wouldn't have had to pay, if he figured things out properly).
Well, tonight he owned up to have two other credit cards. The thing that gets me is, one of them is the original credit card that we did the balance transfer for. The bank sent him a new one (maybe he ordered it, maybe it expired). He spent $3k on that in the last year.
There are "extenuating" circumstances (his mum died and he went from a certain standard of living with free rent and free food to nothing, so ok, I kiiiind of get that). But still. He was living under my roof and putting bloody Nintendo games on his US credit card knowing he couldn't pay. I also feel responsible that he moved here (flights and visa are not cheap) and now he has to work in a cafe just to be with me. He also bought me a beautiful ring to propose to me (also on credit, ffs), but he really did put in the thought for that.
He just doesn't get it. He just doesn't seem to understand. He literally said "my name is on the card, that money is mine". And that if I paid them off, and he owed me the money, he would feel indebted to me. I mean what? It's the same, except I don't add on a ton of fees. He doesn't want me to feel like he's with me for my money.
I am fucking furious. Like smash things furious. He deceived me. He told me he is ashamed. I was going to pay off his original debt and have him pay me back. He refused - because he doesn't want to owe me the money and have the secret credit cards too. At least he has some small integrity? But he also said he doesn't want me on his back about owing him money.
He has about US$2000 limit left on one of his cards; a flight back to the US is about US$1000. Do I tell him to book a flight and fuck off? Or do I work it out? This is the man (child?) I thought I would marry.
TLDR: fiance has secret credit cards. Do I tell him to leave?
Edit: my reasoning for paying them off is: he is broke. If I pay them off, there is zero interest or fees. If I don't, it's like an extra $300 a month. Since we are supposed to be getting married, our finances are joined, plus we are de-facto anyway (although his credit cards are prior to that). And I do love him.. this is why I'm posting...
Submitted April 04, 2019 at 07:45AM by wellfuck132435 https://ift.tt/2CWk54C
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