My fiancé [26M] and I [25F] are planning on changing our last names to the same new last name when we get married, and I was thinking of asking my mom [54F] if she wants to change her last name to our new one too. I'm mainly worried that it would be presumptuous or that she would feel pressured to do it, when really what I want to do is make sure she understands that she would be welcome to do so if she wants. My fiancé is fine with it and wants to leave it in my hands.
The reason that I think she would be interested is because not only are she and my dad divorced, but my dad is spending the rest of his life in prison for abusing me and other children, and my mom understandably despises him. She thought about changing her last name back to her maiden name shortly after the divorce but decided not to because my brother [32M] and I didn't really care. We still don't, really. It's just that this seems like a good opportunity to get rid of my dad's name, even though I don't usually think of it as his name. Now that I'm going to change my last name, I figure, this is also a good chance for my mom to do what she thought about doing all those years ago.
If I decide to ask her, I'll talk to my brother first since I wouldn't want him to feel blindsided even though I don't think he'd care (based on his personality and views). I thought about asking him if he wants to change his name, too, since he's not married, but I don't think he would be interested in that. We're not really that close, but he's close to our mom, so maybe I should?
So, what does Reddit think? Inappropriate? I'm overthinking it? If I include my mom, I should include my brother, too? Should I wait a couple years after marriage before asking? Any similar situations you all have had?
Tl;dr: My mom hates my dad and thought about changing her last name years ago. Now that I'm getting married, would it be weird to ask her if she wants to change her last name to my new one?
Edit: To be clear, the new name is a name that my fiancé and I picked out, and it is not related to either of our families, so it wouldn't be like inducting my mother into my fiancé's father's family.
Submitted April 02, 2019 at 02:36PM by gifnocst https://ift.tt/2Udlcrr
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