Hello everyone,
Throwaway account here looking for outside perspective.
My husband and I have a good relationship. We've had our ups and downs like any couple, but nothing dramatic. We've been married for 5 years.
My husband works as a personal trainer at a large gym. He's good at it, gets clients, and does alright for himself...he pays the mortgage, for his car, and a few other bills. I've never been the biggest fan of the job, due to long hours, an unpredictable schedule, and he's there 6-7 days a week. I also worry about the longevity of the career. He was in management, hated it, and stepped back into a trainer role after...6-7 months. He also does training on the side, which keeps him out of the house for even longer. It's not unusual for him to be gone 7 AM to 9 PM. Meanwhile, I work at home. I have asked him for years to get a regular 9-5 and he basically says he hates that idea, he gets the bills paid, so why should he if this is what he loves to do? I'm usually alone most nights and most days, which is whatever, I guess.
Recently, he has decided he wants to essentially start a training place of his own. I am absolutely against the idea. I remember telling him before we got married that I never, ever, ever wanted to own my own business. I don't like the idea, I don't like the financial instability, etc. His argument is that he wouldn't be "owning" it, because he would be paying rent to someone--I disagree, because he still has to get new clients, renewals, etc. He says he has a laundry list of people who would do this with him--I say "what about when those people dry up?". He says he would get referrals from people. I say "you're gone all the time already; you'll be gone even more because you'll have to promote, etc." and he says that that wouldn't be the case, because he would have an established client list. Also, I feel horrible saying this (and I haven't said this to him because...well, how do I say it), but he isn't in...awesome shape himself. He's kinda got a dad bod. Why would someone buy training from someone who isn't in the best shape themselves?
He basically is moving forward with this no matter what. He wishes I would be supportive, but I've been burned too many times by him to trust him--things like "I'll handle it!" and I end up handling it. Or "I'll pay for that!" and I end up paying for it. I have explained all of this to him, multiple times. Also, we're managing, but we're not well off by any stretch of the imagination. I am absolutely terrified that this will lead to financial instability--I grew up managing my parents' finances and I'm so tired of instability. I just want to be able to pay my bills and not stress about debt. A large portion of my income is eaten up by student loan debt, so I guess I feel badly that so much of it goes towards me. I go to therapy and work on these issues in my life. I have asked him to get counselling with me, but he has pushed it to the side because he can't make it work with his schedule.
I guess the long and short of it is that I don't think this is a good idea (and honestly, I don't trust him to follow through on things), he does, he's moving forward. He told me he'd love to have my support but understands why I am not supportive. I honestly feel like we're at an impasse--I value stability, he values pursuing his goals. I feel like a terrible wife for not being supportive. I wish I could be all "let's go get 'em!" but I just...can't. I mean, he pays the bills and we're functional adults, but I can't get on board with this.
TL;DR: Husband wants to start his own training facility, I absolutely do not want him to do so and do not trust him to succeed. At an impasse.
Submitted April 05, 2019 at 09:24AM by unsupportivewife http://bit.ly/2UvS5iq
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